The best of both the worlds!

It’s been almost four months since my trip to Singapore, Indonesia and Bali. I have been to Singapore as a kid, so this as my first visit as a grown up. Indonesia and Bali and even Singapore to an extent has left an indelible impression on me. I feel a strange impulse to go back there again. I think it was the Bali countryside and the polite Indonesians…but the place tugs at me for some strange reason. I was analyzing this the other day and I realized that what really struck me about these places was that though some of these Oriental cities and towns were as modern as any European or American city and town, they were strangely very homely! The people spoke their own language and though they wore Western clothes, their Oriental culture was very evident and entwined in their lifestyles. These places had achieved a very “local modernism” unlike India where being modern means aping the West.

Their unique traditions were seamlessly blended into daily life without being too overt or too covert. Like for example when we landed in Singapore in the morning we went to this small Breakfast place in the airport run by an elderly lady. The small restaurant was very well done up, but the lady was praying in front of a small altar. A tiny non obtrusive altar. She continued praying at her own pace and it was so interesting to watch her that we didn’t disturb her. She finished her prayer and then made us sit and made small talk while she cooked breakfast for us. I couldn’t believe I was sitting in the Changi Airport!!! Her demeanor was matter of fact like a mom cooking in her kitchen and she was not too friendly or aloof. I felt right at home!

Later in the day when I went into Singapore city with my friend, I noticed that guys don’t look at you like they are seeing a woman for the first time. They do look, but it is a polite appreciative look. In front of a KFC or Mac joint (I am not sure which), there was this huge crowd of young Singaporeans sitting on the sidewalk. The guys merely glanced appreciatively at us and we felt emboldened enough to look at them in their faces, something I would never do in India. Some gave us a friendly wink, we grinned right back…in my case it was a thankful grin, a very thankful grin for the appreciation and the fact that they respected me enough as a human being by not taking me for granted and approaching me. What an awesome awesome feeling!!

As soon as you land in Bali, you see small coconut leaf baskets, (the type we make small footballs with in Kerala), with food, flower and other offerings like incense, kept discretely around the airport. These are offering to Gods. The Balinese follow a Ramayan based Hinduism, which is very different from the Hinduism practiced in India. It is more like Buddhism actually and again very personal and unobtrusive but very evident. You got to see to understand.

The Balinese men are so respectful and the more dashing among them are to be found at the tourist places like Kuta. But again, it was looks of appreciation towards us, sometimes they asked names and no more and by the end of our stay, the whole crowd of guys that hang around Kuta had nicknamed us Miss Bombay! It’s not like we had beauty pageant winner looks, but merely their way of identifying us. Bombay is synonymous with India here. The moment they know that you are Indian, there is a feeling of camaraderie, as India is synonymous with Hinduism, the Balinese religion that they are fiercely protective off. Please don’t expect them to identify you as Indian, as not much is known of India here. Subtle hints about your Indianness will make people regard you a little differently from other tourists. And we used this to great advantage :p

When I hear our elders complain that their grown up kids and grandkids would rather go to Veegaland for Onam and Vishu and Christmas, I begin to appreciate the Orientals and the importance they give to their customs and culture.

All in all a very nice and warm experience. I wish India will also go the Oriental way when it is a fully advanced country. Right now our people are beginning to shed their Indian-ness real fast and our lifestyle is more or less like that in the US of A. Wish we could find work, life and cultural balance like the Orientals.

An irksome threesome!

Arun and Suraj (all names changed) are both techies in the Development Center of our company. I know Suraj as he is my eldest brother’s junior. Through him I got to know Arun too. Arun also happens to be Suraj’s batch mate. Suraj recently got engaged and will marry in May.

Arun met Beena, a girl in Suraj’s project a few months back. It was love at first sight for him. Now… Suraj treats Beena like his little sister. When Arun asked Suraj to act as match maker between the two, Suraj baulked as he felt that Beena was not the kind of girl for Arun, a guy known for his escapades in the Institute. Suraj told him so point blank too. Arun’s efforts to convince Suraj that he was no more the reckless guy he was in college fell on Suraj’s deaf ears.

Arun came to me for help, because if Beena was like an younger sister to Suraj, I was like his grandchild. Which means he acts like a concerned grandpa with me. Suraj though a little exasperated at my involvement, explained with great patience that Beena though a modern gal, was not the type of gal he was comfortable associating with Arun, who was well known for his numerous girl friends and exploits in college. Arun is one of those smart and brainy guys. I guess the word here is “chick magnet” :p

Arun is terribly hurt that Suraj, his best friend never understood him, especially since he knows Arun well and would never associate with him if he was the kind of guy who played around with gals feelings. Arun’s gal pals were willing volunteers in his activities and besides that was over four years ago. Arun was the single straight guy like every other guy since he left the Institute.

My eldest bro thinks that Suraj is being a unfair. My second bro thinks Suraj is right!

I am just feeling so bad for Arun and the nasty trick History seems to be playing on him.

( Something that will make ad people smile. And since I have been there done that, I found it absolutely hilarious and very very creative!! Creative dept rulez, down with Client Servicing!! :p )

Fraud kundry mallu!

I was reading this nice post by Jina and something struck me. I am a fraud mallu as they come. But there is a difference between me and other expat mallus. I am a fraud kundry mallu!!! What I mean is that, all that I have experienced of Kerala, is village and small town life. Put me in Kochi or Trivandrum and I will be totally lost.

To me Kerala is the land of my ancestors and rolling rubber estates, gentle paced village life, ordinary country folks, a life revolving around the Parish and sowing and reaping and rubber paal collection seasons.

I know nothing of Kerala city culture, or the colony culture. It is alien to me. Last time I was in Kochi was about six months back for the wedding anniversary of my aunt and uncle in an old colony in Kochi or Ernakulam, I am not sure. They had settled in Kochi after selling their land in Moovattupuzha as both their daughters now studied in a city women’s college. I stayed at their brand new house for the weekend and my cousin sisters took me visiting to their friend’s houses in the colony. I was greeted with great friendliness by the other girls, a little younger to me.

They were more modern than the girls I am used to seeing in my village. They were nothing like the Bangalore mallu NRK girls. But they were nothing like the little Kerala town girls too.

There was clearly as lot of tensions between the groups of girls in the colony. My cousin sisters took me around the place and to the ice cream joint in the colony. Other groups at the place eyed us warily. There was a clear distance between the groups of girls. I walked over to one of the groups, much to the dismay of "my" group and exchanged pleasantries with a girl who had particularly nice bike. I took the bike as an excuse to start a conversation.

Most of them were on the defensive. When they saw that I was merely being friendly they sort of relaxed. I have seen this from city girls coming from Kerala to Bangalore. The moment they realize here in Bangalore no one is going to judge them by their hep or or cool factor, they relax and become friendly. It is a sort of defensive action that most people here will understand, some will pretend not to understand and some will leave comments calling me bitchy like after this post :p

I walked back to "my" group and they seemed surprised that my head was intact. Perhaps they expected it to be chewed off. I asked my cousin sister why there was so much tensions between groups and my cousin said that these girls and them were not on the same wave length. I am sure the other girls felt the same way :)

There was an expat Gulf group in the colony and a business class group too. A lot of competition existed between houses too and my aunts immediate neighbor was not talking to her neighbor since they bought a more expensive car!!

Maybe this was a small group of people and not representative of the bulk of Kerala city folks...but I found the whole thing damn funny!

I was the common denominator between some of these group during my stay here as I have other family friends too in this colony. I was greeted with great joy at every home, but my tiny efforts to tear down the invisible boundaries came to naught. People saw me off at the gate with great affection but were reluctant to walk with me to the next house. Damn sad.

The mentality was so bewildering! Non mallus on the other hand were welcome in every mallu home, but amidst themselves, these mallu city folk had a clear invisible line. It was a colony of strangers...of islands, yet most of them spoke the same language, ate the same kind of food, went to the same church, temple etc etc.

Totally bewildering situation and set up!!

Thank god I am a fraud kuntry mallu!

p.s I am reiterating that this just a one off experience. But then this was my only Kerala city experience too.

Beyond the obvious

The married gals in the office were discussing something the other day. The topic veered around having kids and one of them remarked that with the birth of her first child, it felt like the child had taken the best out of her, because she never felt healthy after that. The other girls agreed. They too felt that after the birth of their kids, their health had taken a beating. They all loved their kids to bits by the way. This was general women talk.

So I asked them why they had kids! The answers were interesting. Some had a child because the in laws or parents wanted grand kids, some had a kid because hubby wanted and some because friends advised that delaying kids was not such a good idea. Not a single girl had a child because they wanted one. Of course they all wanted kids, but because it was ingrained in them by upbringing and societal compulsions.

There are two other married girls I know who are in their late twenties and still not ready to have kids. The reason? These girls are beyond social conditioning and are thinking for themselves. They do not want a kid because they do not want one! One is on the verge of a divorce due to this reason! Both are adamant that they will not have a kid till they feel like having one.

A little bit of probing and I was left with some startling results. And I began to understand why some western counties are experiencing declining birthrates. And I anticipate the same in India too, though in the distant future. The trend is already started in the cities.

Most girls acknowledge that pregnancy spoils their figure and health. And most of them acknowledge that this is an area where they have absolutely no control. They can choose who they can marry, what they can wear etc etc. But the choice of having a child is not hers at all. It is almost as if her womb is collective property of her family and society.

This might sound appalling, but many girls think that men need them for procreation and the act of procreation and then...child upbringing. Period. Beyond that they feel they don’t serve any purpose.

This post is not about women’s responsibility and all that blah. It is about women questioning that notion. It is about girls asking why they cannot be looked at beyond the accessory called the womb… and their desire to choose to use their womb OR NOT! They are questioning the generations old notion that a woman/married couple MUST have a kid. That she is of no use to a man if she does not want to have one. It is about women who would like a choice in the matter. This generation of girls will only raise these questions. But the subsequent generation will start exerting their rights, especially the right to their body not being taken for granted.

And all this throws some interesting questions. Will a man marry a gal who does not want to have kids? For men, having kids is a sign of masculinity. For women a sign of fertility. But then both have to work the next day and work equal hours. And when the task of gestating a kid and then giving birth, then the mandatory confinement etc etc is not acknowledged at the work place at least beyond statutory period stated by labor laws, women tend to question the futility of the exercise. The feeling that they are being short changed vis a vis the father of the kid, is always there. It is a silent accepting resentment...for this generation of women.

This post is about “some” women and their choices with their body, and their desire to not be taken for granted because they have a womb and their desire not to use that womb if they chose. And also about men accepting that not having kids is not a sign that they are not masculine, an acceptance that many girls feel will lift a big historical burden from their shoulders :) There will always be more women willing to have kids than those who do not. But the ones who do not, should not be looked upon like deviants.


The last para is to ensure that this does not become a modern woman bashing forum. Comments on the same will not be published. If a “particular group” of Anonymous commenters, who usually slander here [:p] want to contribute to the discussion positively, they are welcome. Those who cannot stomach the post, please don’t bother leaving a comment and giving me the added chore of rejecting it. You are welcome, however to hang around and see how a mature discussion takes place. Of course you will hang around anyways without me telling you all to :p

Not very straight!

The first time I heard about “Gays” I was sick to my stomach. I think I heard the term on TV. I couldn’t believe such people existed. Then came a plethora of articles and discussions about gays and their struggles to make the society comes to terms with their sexuality. After some time I reconciled that this “phenomenon’ was not going to go away, judging from the frequent newspapers reports in the foreign media. And I decided to face my squeamishness head on. I can never hate/loathe something just like that. And if I do, I do an analysis to find out why and usually end up with a whole new perspective to the situation.

From what I read about gays, there are a lot of factors that make them that way. I am not going into their genesis here but my acceptance and coming to terms with them. When I put myself in their shoes it suddenly became clear that it was absolutely not fair that these people should be ridiculed for doing what is “natural” for them, however unnatural it may be for us. I realized that I wouldn’t want someone pointing their fingers at me and saying “cheee she likes guys!! ugh”

And when I saw things from that perspective, I felt bad for them. I still haven’t gotten over the feeling of distaste, but then I sympathize with them, just the way I would sympathize with a star crossed straight couple.

Having said all that I must say that I hear with disquiet the accounts of several male friends and colleagues who have been propositioned by gay men. Then I read posts like this and this and many more that I forgot to bookmark...and I feel that if it doesn't stop then no one should blame the onset of homophobia, that is still unheard of in this country. And what is more disquieting is that there is no law on Earth in this country to protect you from gay sexual harassment!

I am not against gays, but the increasing unreported reports of gay people hitting on straight folks is alarming and should be condemned just like a straight guy sexually harassing a straight woman.

And if it is confusion about someones sexuality that is leading to these incidents, then we perhaps should have a differentiator so that such “accidents” do not happen.

Dream homes and lonely hearths

Two weeks back I was in Kochi for a day for my cousin’s engagement. His parents are government servants and they have built a dream house, just like other middle class people before them, through years of saving, scrimping, penny pinching and loans. Aunty has done up the house so tastefully that I asked her to seriously consider Interior Designing after retirement. I was the last to leave the house by the late evening flight. After everyone had left, I wandered around the house, marveling at the tastefully done up rooms, thoughtfully designed spaces and the peaceful ambiance.

My aunt explained that she would now close all the rooms except the master bedroom till the next family get together. Their three kids are grown up and two of them are working, while the third is pursuing an MBA in the North.

This couple is one amongst the scores of couples I know in a similar predicament. People who dreamt of a home of their own and worked long and hard towards it till the twilight days of their life. And when they had it all, the dream home with rooms for all the kids, the garden and the feeling of living in ones own home after years of rented accommodation...they realize that they are alone in the house and finding it difficult to maintain it in their advanced age.

My uncle curses himself for building this house. He wishes he had invested in a small home where he and his wife could stay and saved the rest of the money. The years of toil and turmoil to own a home had fruitioned only to come to a naught.

My Uncle fondly remembers the good old days in their rented accommodation. He has no happy memories of this house. He misses his old neighbors. Aunty on the other hand feels relieved that they don’t have to live in a rented house in their old age. But she admits that making such a large house wasn’t such a good idea after all.

There are many such lonely dream homes in Kerala. Expensive monuments to shortsightedness. Most of them have only one or two of the rooms occupied. The people for whom it was meant, will never return. The people they left behind are left with an empty new home, hearth and hearts.

There are many reasons why people blog. But here is a reason why some people like to
read blogs.

The long and short of it

Event: Bike expedition to a place on the outskirts of Bangalore.

Guy

Checked bike
Money
Water
Camera

Ready to go.

Girl

Go shopping and buy:

Large straw hat
Scarf
Sun tan lotion
Long sleeved top
Mosquito repellent
Torch
Paracetamol

Pack

Water
Snacks
Money
Soft drinks
Band Aid
Tissues
IPod
Soap
Camera
Extra battery
Extra Memory Card
Mobile
Mobile charger
Comb


Guy cancels trip as it is 12 noon already. Girl feels it is typical guy procrastination.

Written by: Georgie porgie pudding and ...err I mean 'George'.


Above post written by my cousin brother when a certain cousin sister was supposed to accompany him for a bike expedition. He intends to blog one day like his cousin sister. So I am posting his first post ( with heavy handed editing ) here.

p.s I would kill to have a colleague like this guy!

Ties that knot

Why do these American celebrities marry? This is a question that just beats me!!! I mean these people do everything a married couple does without the paperwork, then why ink the deal that we all know will not last long? Especially when the paperwork for a Divorce is much lengthier than that of a wedding? Besides horribly expensive too, if newspaper reports are to be believed.

From here it seems these people live in a charmed world. There is absolutely no pressure from society in their personal lives, except perhaps in the upbringing and care of children. They do not have to follow any religious diktats either. A couple can make up their mind to live together and have kids and do it with the blessing of their family and friends. And that makes parting also easier and less expensive and tedious. In such a set up, marriage seems to be an anathema. An institution that seems more outdated than a bullock cart. In fact it seems like a laughable idea to me!

I shake my head in disbelief when I hear of celebrity weddings.The glowing bride, the smiling groom, the decorations etc looks like a joke to be frank, because very soon the very same glowing bride will be holding onto another smiling groom and vice versa! Of course after a bitter and very public and even more expensive divorce!

Do the guests at the wedding who go awwww as the happy couple pose for photographs after the Nuptials, really believe that this is a happily-ever-after spectacle? Especially when they know that they will soon be invited to the very same couples wedding albeit to different people a few months down the line!

To me it is like two friends deciding to make their friendship legal! Totally ridiculous as friendship doesn’t need official or religious sanction, 'just like' living together like a couple and having kids for these folks in the West!

So why do these celebrities marry!?! Beats me!

p.s do check out a bloggers version of Readers Digests Life is like that!

Amen!

Happy Valentines Day to you all!


What does the school and college going young Indians think about issues like molestation of women and bullying & ragging? Click on and you will be surprised!! Wish parents and law makers read the pulse of the young. It is the key to keeping abreast with the changing times. The youth as you can see, don't see eye to eye with the old wizened Gandhi capped thespians who rule over us. And since the youth is our greatest asset, alienating them is not such a good idea Mr Minister!

The tenous familial bonds...

Circa 2005: Me and my eldest brother had gone to the airport to pick up my Dad. Upon arrival we were told that the flight was late by half an hour. While I sat at the chair outside, my brother went to pick up some magazines. Suddenly I saw a Taxi arriving and disgorging a whole lot of my relations from Kerala onto the road. There was my Uncle (my moms first cousin) and his brand new wife and her parents and siblings. I had been to their wedding and hence recognized the brides people. I was so happy to see them that it escaped me that no one knew of their presence in Bangalore. It was while talking to them that it came to light that they had come to Bangalore a week before and the fact that neither of my parents or any other relations knew of the same.

I felt terribly hurt. I did not understand how he could have come and gone without even calling up to say hello. This did not happen in my family. We are a very close knit family with no formalities amongst us. Anyone can drop in anytime and expect to be given food and board without question.

My parents dismissed the incident with an excuse that perhaps he was too busy to call up. But I was not convinced and felt very hurt. He did call up later and apologized to my parents and never did it again.

Circa 2008: Last week I went to drop my ex colleague and good friend to her PG after a movie. After dropping her to the gate I was walking back to the car when I heard someone shouting my name. I looked around and saw my Uncle from Kochi waving to me furiously. He looked so happy to see me!! I was flabbergasted to see him in Bangalore because I didn’t know he was here.

He came running huffing and puffing, mighty proud to have caught up with me. He explained between gasps and pants that he was shouting my name for some time and was quite sure he would have lost me. He explained that his wife’s cousins lived here and they were visiting them. Soon the wife came and joined us. My aunt explained with an embarrassed smile that they didn’t have time to call us. I pretended great understanding at their predicament while inside it hurt bad to know that this Uncle, one of my favorite since childhood, had not called up home or told us that he was here, even though he later made it a point to drop in home .

In both cases, the new entrants in the family, the wife were the people who were unaware of the culture of a large family. Some were even miffed at their spouse’s penchant for following age old family customs. Over the years, many new entrants have come and been assimilated in the family and are happy to be part of this large whole. These are people who realize that they are part of a family that accepts them no matter who they are and what their net worth is.

On the other hand there are some like the two examples above, who harbor the age old feelings of envy and or inferiority complex or plain aloofness that prevents them from appreciating familial bonds and niceties. What a pity. I have seen several new relations like this, who act all boorish and then with age, regret the time they kept away from a large but loving group of people for petty reasons. Life is short they realize a bit too late.

But it hurts bad when you come across cases like the ones I mentioned above. It is like being rejected by ones own. I wish every new entrants into new families, whether a guy or a gal realize this and accept and appreciate the spirit of their new families!

p.s do read this beautiful post!

Those were the Orkutting days...

Orkut burst into the youth scene when I was in college. It was such a rage then. Getting an invite was next to impossible and we went around on man hunts looking for people with Orkut accounts! After getting an account, the initial thrill of making a swanky profile and joining communities was indescribable. For most of us, this was our first “website”… the first taste of “Freedom to publish”. It was like getting your very own room. You wanted to personalize it and make it as “you” as possible! And the only place that allowed that was the Profile page. And we were creative. Profiles were changed every week and it was really interesting to see the creativity and thoughts of even the most silent girls in class. People seem to get very eloquent given a Web space.

Soon the race was on as to who got the max Scraps. We would scrap each other with a “Wassup?” so that we would get a reply and hence increase our Scrap count! Childish thrills, but then we enjoyed it and had a lot of fun doing it. Scrapping was fast and furious during internships due to unlimited access to high speed Internet at work. And we made max use of this chance to Orkut. There were the umpteen “Friendship” and “Fraanship” requests too, but these were ignored and not deleted as they added to the Scrap count.

Some girls were bold. They would Scrap random strangers with a “Do I know you?” They would inevitably get a reply saying “No”. In turn they would reply with a “Sorry”. That would be three scraps added to the tally without much damage. Some would find guys/gals with similar Surnames and scrap “Nice to meet another Krishnan”. Sometimes they got a reply. And that would be an additional scrap added to the tally by scraping the bottom of Orkut barrel. :p

The most hilarious of the lot was the Secretaries of various associations in college. They would have a profile photo, in which they would be smiling gloriously and their Scraps informed us about upcoming fests and other College activities. What was hilarious was that the expression never changed even if they were giving a bad news like “Nina Pai’s father passed away yesterday. Let’s pray for his soul.”

Or a scrap like “Students union is observing a black day tomorrow to protest the proposed Dress Code by the management. Please show solidarity or be doomed to wear Salwars to college” in which the scrapper would be wearing a Salwar [:p].

We looked out for each other too. Putting photos in our group was a big ‘no-no’. Instead we put silly pictures to frustrate the Orkut account hoppers. Some of us got into trouble when random guys found out who we were and landed up at college and asked for us by names at the Reception. The resultant fracas made parents force their wards to delete their Orkut account. Many would sneak back with names like “Dumbellina” and “Malice in Blunderland”.

Unlike many girls, we soon learnt that hiding our real names was the best way to negotiate Orkut. Of course all of us knew who ‘Hot maal Cool gal’ was. It was an unwritten rule that we never revealed who was who. I don’t know why we took so much trouble in the first place. But like every other fad, Orkut too took some dedication and perseverance in following it.

Then came Blogspot and I was the first to leave Orkut. Blogger gave me more than a profile page to vent my creativity. It gave me an unlimited blank space to rant about just about anything.

I didn’t think twice about deleting my 13 k plus scraps account last year. The scraps were no big deal. Just “See you in college” to “Did you write the book review” to “Come down. Amma is calling you for dinner” (to my bro whose room is on the first floor of the house.)

With all my friends in Bangalore and on Gtalk and SMS, most of us have left Orkut. Some hold onto their accounts for sentimental reasons after deleting personal details.

But it was fun while it lasted. Besides Orkut taught us our very first lessons in Cyber prudence! Lessons well learnt and used in the increasingly Cyberised world of today. However more than that I will always remember Orkut for the fun times it gave all of us.

Thank you Orkut!

Road cancers

Hammy touched a sore spot…and no I am not talking about my recent hurt, but a larger and more painful sore that afflicts most Bengalureans, the Autorickshaw!!

My friend works at the Embassy Golf Links Business Park, a savvy name for an eye sore of an example of civil engineering. This place is tucked away in no mans land and there is actually no way out unless your office provides you transport or you have your own transport. BMTC buses are few and far between. And since only Call Centre employees get transport, the majority of people working here are in a vulnerable position if they don’t have their own transport. The place is too far away from everywhere to walk and that makes the wheel less people here sitting ducks for daylight and midnight and anytime robbery by autos.

Thousands of people that spew out of the 100 odd IT organizations here are stranded for hours for a lift home. A friend of mine waits two hours on the road so that after peak hour, autos will oblige her with a drop at thrice the amount of the meter fare. And as usual no one raises a voice and quietly puts up with the utter nonsense that is going on here. Autos wait in line but will refuse to take passengers for some weird reason and the Cabs that are supposed to drop employees do their first round of drops and then start freelancing and taking the multitudes teeming on the road pathetically for exorbitant fares. Why not join the party when it’s a free for all!!

What really riles me is that there is no initiative from anyone to rectify the situation at this place. The IT Park authorities have their office in one of the IBM buildings and I think people should do a dharna in front of their office to get them to see the light. Or better still when the collection man comes for the rent, Facility Managers should do some arm twisting to ensure that some sort of shuttle service is introduced to at least get people out of this no mans land to midtown from where they have a better chance of getting a lift home!

What bothers me more is that no one seems to rein in the Autos. And the recent fare hike (on the pretext of Petro price hike) that the government acquiesced to, even though Autos run on LPG is a stark reminder of the fact that there is no one up there in the seats of power looking out for the common man and or the common man remains a mute spectator like in R K Laxmans cartoons.

Basic social etiquettes

Last year I was doing this project at this typical IT Company. I had befriended a punju colleague and the two of us are good friends to this day. This gal was expecting her first baby. One day she called me on my extension. She was almost crying because she was unable to use the Rest Room as it was almost always filthy and waiting for the Housekeeping to come and clean it up was impossible for her in her condition. I told her to come down to the marketing floor i.e my floor and use our toilet. I was the only female on this floor and hence the ladies toilet was always clean. Since then she climbed down the flight of stairs to use the toilet.

I suggested to the Facility Manager to put up a Toilet Usage Instruction boards on the toilet walls, like I have seen in my IT companies. But he was helpless due to some corporate policies. The HR manager then suggested that I take the initiative as that would be permitted. So I took some A4 size printouts detailing step by step on how to use the toilet and leave it clean and dry for the next user and gave it to the Housekeeping staff to stick it where it will be noticed, i.e right in front of your eyes when you use the loo. The small act was a success and people actually learnt to use the Rest Room the proper way. Periodic reminder when somebody slipped up was done by the employees committee and we had peace since then.

I remember going to this company in ITPL with a couple of friends to give a surprise birthday lunch to one of my classmates interning there. While we waited at the Reception for her to come out, we saw the Receptionists getting all hot and bothered about the rest rooms not being clean. The reason? Interviews were going on and the large crowd gathered there had made the rest room worse than public toilets.

Go to any company today, and toilet usage instructions are pasted to the walls, because most of us do not know how to respect a public facility like a toilet, inspite of working at top jobs in swanky buildings. And it is not just the small towners but anyone can be guilty of the same. In fact “toilet tensions” are recorded everywhere and right now many a Corporate Communications Team are putting batches of fresher through its paces which include rest room hygiene.

Why are we like this? We are all bought up in good homes. We are all particular about our home rest rooms. Why can’t we use a public toilet the way we use our own back home? What’s the point of all this degrees and doctorates when we are unable to come out of our narrow confines and act like members of a society and respect other people and common facilities as our own?!

The wedding juggernaut

I was watching some Malayalam channels after a long time, because DD Malayalam, the only Malayalam channel I watch if I do watch TV, has stopped airing for a few days. It was an interesting visual experience. Gold advertisements dot the programmes at regular intervals and the jewelery they showcase are exquisite in its design and intricacy. Truly charming. But the regularity of these ads and their opulence leaves you slightly sick, like when you have eaten a bit too many sweets. It was the same sick feeling I had when I attended weddings last Christmas season. And what particularly made me sick was the bridal trousseau!

I understand the need of a bride to look resplendent on her wedding day. But does anybody care other than the family of the couple? And going bankrupt or spending lavishly for a couple of hours is plain wastage unless you are rolling in money. But then I am not talking of that class of people here.

Most of the weddings I attended looked like it took some preparation to get off the ground. The bridal sarees were beautiful. But I wondered what the bride would do with the material after the wedding. My moms wedding saree still hangs in the hangar, as it is white and hence quite useless. She hangs on to it for sentimental reason. Fortunately when she got married, designer Christian wedding sarees were unheard of and she settled for a Benaras silk saree as it was the only material in which you got white sarees in the eighties.

The gold that the brides wore at these weddings would have perked up the sales graph of a dozen Jewelers, steeply towards the north side. Again I couldn’t help but wonder what she would do with it! Live in paranoia for the rest of her life and then hire a bank locker to keep it safe?! And the ones she would use would be the simpler pieces as the extravagant pieces are suitable only if you are a bride and would look silly at weddings or parties outside Kerala.

The number of ads tell a sordid story of entrapment though aggrandizement and mesmeric bondage in the name of tradition. The jewelery houses keep the buying frenzy at cruise control through advertisements upon advertisements that ensure that no sales deceleration happens...ever.

And the race thus created only ensures losers...while the winners i.e the jewelers in case anyone has a doubt, laugh all the way to their foreign banks.

When will the ordinary Keralite wake up and say that this is enough! This is stupid! Lets cut the chase and be the smarter for it???

One refreshing wedding I attended was my cousin sisters. She and her fiancé jointly shouldered the wedding expenses and kept spending to the necessary minimum. All accoutrement at the wedding were reusable and the guest list restricted to the really close or completely unavoidable relations. The wedding raised quite a few eyebrows and finally a grudging and envied acceptance that this was indeed the way to go.

Way to go Neel chechi and Jose chetan!!!

Something has to give. And soon. Or the wedding juggernaut will eventually flatten us as a people and as a culture.

The gender (dis) connection

Sorry friends for not posting so long here at TP. The holiday mood lingers and working from home has not helped. I am mentally still in the Christmas Season 2007. But then issues and lives go on and a chance meeting with a friend at the Forum yesterday, bought me back to reality quicker than a trip to office.

R is a premier B School alumni, mallu and in his late twenties. R is still not married even though he is a hot pick with his credentials. I remember teasing him with a gal in my office, who had a crush on him and instead of blushing he replied gravely that romance was out of the question for him. A long chat over coffee and he told me things which I was beginning to notice around me anyways. The dilemma of the well read, well traveled or just plain old modern mallu man. The dilemma of not having much of a choice in mallu women of the same ilk, who can make decent conversation or are simply, cool company to hang out with.

This post might offend some. But then when I started writing TP, I knew that I wasn’t going to make many friends here anyways.

R has no dearth of good proposals. Smart, highly educated and good looking girls, but as he mournfully asked me, what would he do with them? What he meant was, what would they be as a couple after a couple of years of marriage? Just another couple who will coochie coo in the initial years, then settle down to work and due to lack of a common interest or inability to communicate on issues other than domestic or work matters, fall silent in front of the TV. Or if there are kids, go through the routine of the daily grind, the kids grind and life!

R is not alone. I know quite a few such guys, who push their luck “one more year” hoping their parents will come up with someone interesting or they will find someone on their own. Then they resign themselves to an arranged marriage with the best among the list of proposed brides, a type of marriage they were hoping to avoid.

I remember D, another guy in a similar situation. He finally settled for an arranged marriage as age started piling on. He is married to an extremely nice girl. He is happy, “not ecstatic” as he told another close friend when she bumped into him the other day. But then he hoped that he didn’t have to go out of the house to find stimulating conversation with friends. He hoped he could have a decent conversation with his wife on matters like politics or sports or anything else under the sun. He hoped he had a friend and less of a “wife” in the traditional sense of the word.

This is of course, a small percentage of the mallu male population. Most men are quite happy with a well educated and or well dowried gal. And they are content with the same.

I guess guys these days, at least a small percentage and a growing percentage of guys I am told, want more than the homely, God fearing gal who can cook and clean and has a professional degree to boot. These guys are looking for people on the same mental wave length and sadly, for many, the search will lead to nowhere. Our society has seen to that most girls are brought up conservatively and the freedoms given to guys ensure that the exposure and growth of the male and female of the species are skewed. Ironic that people who have to live together are brought up so differently to the point of incompatibility.

Guess this is the wake up call for parents of daughters. But are they listening?

Hajmola please!!

Good Performance Appraisal = Hike in Salary - Sum spent treating colleagues and friends for the hike, wherein the Sum was the sum total of the hiked salary for an entire year.

hmm does anyone notice the irony in this or is it only me?

The Indian chromosome

Happy New Year to you all. My first post this year at Think Pad is not my own but a article written by Farrukh Saleem, an article that bought a lump to my throat and made me swell in pride for being an Indian.

The Indian chromosome!

Sunday, December 09, 2007
Dr Farrukh Saleem

Twenty-five thousand years ago, haplogroup R2 characterized by genetic marker M124 arose in southern Central Asia. Then began a major wave of human migration whereby members migrated southward to present-day India and Pakistan (Genographic Project by the National Geographic Society). Indians and Pakistanis have the same ancestry and share the same DNA sequence.

Here's what is happening in India:

The two Ambani brothers can buy 100 percent of every company listed on the Karachi Stock Exchange (KSE) and would still be left with $30 billion to spare. The four richest Indians can buy up all goods and services produced over a year by 169 million Pakistanis and still be left with $60 billion to spare. The four richest Indians are now richer than the forty richest Chinese.

In November, Bombay Stock Exchange's benchmark Sensex flirted with 20,000 points. As a consequence, Mukesh Ambani's Reliance Industries became a $100 billion company (the entire KSE is capitalized at $65 billion). Mukesh owns 48 percent of Reliance.

In November, comes Neeta's birthday. Neeta turned forty-four three weeks ago. Look what she got from her husband as her birthday present: A sixty-million dollar jet with a custom fitted master bedroom, bathroom with mood lighting, a sky bar, entertainment cabins, satellite television, wireless communication and a separate cabin with game consoles. Neeta is Mukesh Ambani's wife, and Mukesh is not India's richest but the second richest.

Mukesh is now building his new home, Residence Antillia (after a mythical, phantom island somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean). At a cost of $1 billion this would be the most expensive home on the face of the planet. At 173 meters tall Mukesh's new family residence, for a family of six, will be the equivalent of a 60-storeyed building. The first six floors are reserved for parking. The seventh floor is for car servicing and maintenance. The eighth floor houses a mini-theatre. Then there's a health club, a gym and a swimming pool. Two floors are reserved for Ambani family's guests. Four floors above the guest floors are family floors all with a superb view of the Arabian Sea. On top of everything are three helipads. A staff of 600 is expected to care for the family and their family home.

In 2004, India became the 3rd most attractive foreign direct investment destination. Pakistan wasn't even in the top 25 countries. In 2004, the United Nations, the representative body of 192 sovereign member states, had requested the Election Commission of India to assist the UN in the holding of elections in Al Jumhuriyah al Iraqiyah and Dowlat-e Eslami-ye Afghanestan. Why the Election Commission of India and not the Election Commission of Pakistan? After all, Islamabad is closer to Kabul than is Delhi.

Imagine, 12 percent of all American scientists are of Indian origin; 38 percent of doctors in America are Indian; 36 percent of NASA scientists are Indians; 34 percent of Microsoft employees are Indians; and 28 percent of IBM employees are Indians.

For the record: Sabeer Bhatia created and founded Hotmail. Sun Microsystems was founded by Vinod Khosla. The Intel Pentium processor, that runs 90 percent of all computers, was fathered by Vinod Dham. Rajiv Gupta co-invented Hewlett Packard's E-speak project. Four out of ten Silicon Valley start-ups are run by Indians. Bollywood produces 800 movies per year and six Indian ladies have won Miss Universe/Miss World titles over the past 10 years.

For the record: Azim Premji, the richest Muslim entrepreneur on the face of the planet, was born in Bombay and now lives in Bangalore. India now has more than three dozen billionaires; Pakistan has none (not a single dollar billionaire).

The other amazing aspect is the rapid pace at which India is creating wealth. In 2002, Dhirubhai Ambani, Mukesh and Anil Ambani's father, left his two sons a fortune worth $2.8 billion. In 2007, their combined wealth stood at $94 billion. On 29 October 2007, as a result of the stock market rally and the appreciation of the Indian rupee, Mukesh became the richest person in the world, with net worth climbing to US$63.2 billion (Bill Gates, the richest American, stands at around $56 billion).

Indians and Pakistanis have the same Y-chromosome haplogroup. We have the same genetic sequence and the same genetic marker (namely: M124). We have the same DNA molecule, the same DNA sequence. Our culture, our traditions and our cuisine are all the same. We watch the same movies and sing the same songs.

What is it that Indians do and we don't: Indians elect their leaders.

The writer is an Islamabad-based freelance columnist. Email: farrukh15@hotmail.com

Warm memories

I am home for Christmas. Christmases in Kerala is something else together. It is not the cake and Wine variety, but a warm get together of people close to you and people whom you were looking forward to meeting all year long. Christmas in Kerala is synonymous with my Ammachis. I guess festivals everywhere are synonymous with grandmothers. Mine were no different.

Today I want to write about my Dad’s mom, because not only was she a mom and grand mom in the truest sense of the word, but a really wonderful mom-in-law to her daughter in laws as well. My mom was her first daughter in law.

When my Dad went for his pennu kaanal (or short listing a bride) my mom’s elder sister was one of the first girls in his list. When my Dad went to my moms place to see the prospective bride, my aunt was yet to get ready for the event. My mom came out and decided to chit chat with my Ammachi, Dad and Achchachan so that they do not notice the inordinate delay that the prospective bride was taking in getting ready. Since my Mom wasn’t the prospective bride, she was at ease talking to my Dad and his folks. My Dad did see my aunt, but went back home and sent word that he was more interested in marrying my mom! All hell broke loose in my mom’s family! My mom’s Dad, who subscribes to some of the strangest notions of family honor was incensed! He felt insulted and promptly turned down the proposal. The sisters though, thought that the whole thing was damn funny. A stalemate ensued with my dad being persistent with his decision and my mom’s Dad refusing to have anything to do with my Dad or his family.

It was in such a tense and delicate situation that my Ammachi decided to take matters into her own hands. One fine morning, she put on her best mundu and chatta, said a brief prayer, put a large donation in the church donation box, took blessing from the Parish priest and clutching her umbrella and a rosary, got into the Jeep to go to my mom’s house. She later got down from the Jeep as she didn’t want to give my Mom’s Dad a chance to further strengthen his refusal due to the fact that my Ammachi had come in a Jeep. This could be misconstrued as showing off or high handedness. She finally caught a KSRTC fast passenger to Changanassery.

With careful handling of the situation, without bruising my moms Dad’s ego too much or compromising her family’s pride too, she made my mom’s Dad see reason. Her practical approach to the whole drama, turned my mom’s Dad around (egged on my mom’s mom) and he finally agreed to the proposal. But he had a rider. He wasn’t allowing his younger daughter to marry before her elder sister. My Ammachi agreed. On her way back home, as is the custom she visited all the families who were related to us in Changanassery. The result was that, not only did she come back home that day with a daughter in law but a groom for her daughter in law’s elder sister too. And the best part was that he was her nephew!! I think she must have felt like a top cat then.

Can you believe an Engineer boy’s family in the Kerala of the late 70’s groveling in front of a girl’s family! It is this nature of my Ammachi that her sons also inherited and that explains the family unity and their practical outlook in life. My dad also set a trend by marrying without dowry. And this was due to my Ammachi’s practical take on dowry. She was adamant that no girl’s father would buy any one of her sons. It was a strong message and nipped in the bud, any interference from her daughter in laws families in her family. The lady was a visionary though she had barely passed 8th standard. But I guess education is all about the values you imbibe and not degrees and certificates you amass.

During my parents wedding reception, my Ammachi’s sister asked her why she went out of the way to get that particular girl when she could have easily changed her sons mind. My Ammachi thought for a few minutes, cleared her throat and said “Edi Susanneh! I weighed the pros and cons of the families of all the girls. And I saw that this girl’s family has a healthy population of girls. You know how pathetic we are in this department!”

Susannah could only say “Ende daivamey Eliamme!! Kalakki!!!” or something like that: p

p.s my aunt still takes a long time in getting ready. Thank god for small mercies: p

With malice towards none except ones own

Read this brilliant piece on Kerala by Vinod today. No, I am not going to expound on Kerala politics....but I am going to write about something else that I wanted to write about long time ago.

When one of my Uncles retired from work in the Middle East, he headed for Kerala to set up a business. When he approached the necessary government offices for permissions, a kindly clerk asked him why he wanted to waste his money and whatever youth he had left by investing in Kerala! My uncle was taken aback. He persisted, but very soon gave up the idea when a bunch of ruling trade unions goons landed up at his house to lay down rules for his new industry. It didn’t take my uncle long to realize what he was up against and he set up his unit in Karnataka, where he got a lot of help and encouragement from the government. Today he employs over 200 people, and is a successful businessman.

This seems to be story with many business men. But the story isn’t so simple as it seems.. There was more to it. My uncle like many people before him set up his unit and employed many people from Kerala. Especially people from his village who came to him asking for employment. Soon these people started an internal rebellion against my Uncle and nearly destroyed his business. Quick sacking of all Malayalees and a policy never to employ a Malayalee, saw an untroubled growth of his business. My Uncle is not the only one. Most Malayalee business people except those in the Gold business; will never hire a Malayalee from Kerala. The reason is simple. The anti mudhalali feeling, so intrinsic to the Malayalee, is very deep rooted and a Malayalee employer is treated like just another Malayalee employer in Kerala. With arm twisting and show of muscle. Sometimes such people can be really dangerous as they gang up with Malayalee workers from other factories. But for the fact that they are still a minority here has thwarted many an attempt by Malayalee workers working for Malayalee businessmen from doing serious damage to the business.

When my Dad set up his unit in Bangalore, he was wise enough to see that there were no Malayalees in his factory. A wise move indeed as two attempts to employ people from his village backfired with serious repercussions like a busted generator and once a setting up of a fire to one of his units. And all because the Malayalee employee was berated by the unit Manager for coming late to work.

Today, no Kerala business man will hire a Malayalee and even if he does, a strict watch is kept over him. The Malayalee, however is a very sincere and hard working worker if he is employed elsewhere and there is a demand for Malayalees due to their dedication to work and their job.

I didn’t want to end the year with a post like this, but another incident of a colleagues husband, SS who took up premature retirement to set up a business, that almost collapsed due to his Malayalee workers ganging up against him, and introducing Viruses in his computers made me write this post. It will take almost a month for this gentleman to clean his systems and restore normalcy to his small printing unit. His fault? He asked two of his computer operators to come on time to work. They in turn incited the rest of the Malayalee workers and the rest is history. SS has learnt his lesson, like countless other people before him. He will never employ a fellow Malayalee again.

I wonder why we resent our own so much.


I am off to Kerala tomorrow and really looking forward to getting away from cold and damp Bangalore. Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and the best life has to offer in the New Year 2008. Leaving you with a Christmas anecdote to put a smile on your face :)

The five tag

I was tagged by the “Patron Saint of Commenters” some time ago. And here I am to honor the tag. This is a simple tag and anyone who reads this tag or owns a pen is tagged with this tag. (Gotcha big time all of you :p)

I am changing the tag a bit and making it “5 Unique Things”

5 Unique Things Found in My Room


1. An earthen bowl full of empty Pista shells. They look so cute that I don’t have the heart to throw them away! :)
2. A bean bag: I get hopelessly stuck in this and rarely use it :p
3. Assorted MP 3 players in various shapes, sizes and colors given by visiting aunts and uncles as a “surprise” present. I get surprised alright at the uncanny knack of my relations to pick up the same gift. I have got dozens of MP 3 players in varying prices from cheap to cheapest.
4. Half a dozen Gift Pack of Dry Fruits given by Vendors as Diwali gifts. Of course I assured each and every none of them that ‘their’ gift was the most unique.
5. A photo of me posing topless wearing a large straw hat and frilly panties. I was about 3 years old that time Sigh…I miss those carefree days.

5 Unique Things Found in My Bag (I have a laptop bag cum bag, figure it out)

1. Assorted boxes of mints.
2. Assorted meds like Crocin, Lozenges etc
3. Half a dozen hair clips of different colors.
4. Wet tissues.
5. A rosary.


5 Unique Things Found in My Wallet

1. Visiting cards of umpteen Insurance Agents :p
2. A card with personal details in case of an emergency.
3. Singapore and Balinese Currency ( I am yet to get them changed)
4. Movie ticket stubs
5. Lots of ATM receipts


I know all you lovely ladies out there want the dirt on Mathew, Emmanuel, Alexis and Toothless Wonder. And I am sure, being the gentlemen they are, they will oblige :p

( tsk tsk I am so clever, I should get a Nobel in Deviousness :p)

Random musings

When I checked out of the hotel in Bali, I was asked at the Reception if I had used any of the stuff kept in the refrigerator. I had taken a bottle of water. I was told to pay 18000 Indonesian Rupiah ( Rs 75/-) as the Mineral water bottles kept in the toilet was complementary and not the one in the fridge. There was no checking to see if I was telling the truth or not. They accepted my word without a doubt. I am so used to the Indian hotel system, where someone from housekeeping usually comes to check your room discretely, after you have checked out and reports to the reception.

My Indian co passengers in Singapore Airlines, Garuda and Thai Airways were well behaved and seasoned travellers. A far cry from the people I encountered in flights during my childhood.

What can I say? The Indian traveler has arrived.

The Indian has truly become International. He/She is very street savvy and you see none of the animosity towards Indians that you encountered earlier.

Today I dropped into one of the Malls in Bangalore after a long time. Malls make me breathless with the severe lack of Oxygen due to the crowds. So I quickly finished my shopping and waited for my friend to finish her shopping at leisure. I love watching people. It is an old pastime.

When Mota Royal Arcade, Bangalore’s first Mall opened, there was a huge rush to see the mall. It was considered cool to hang out here and since my school is close by, we spent many hours gazing awestruck at the stores and displays. Those days, Malls had a snoot element. Only the very rich shopped here. The rest, mostly did window shopping and saved their hard earned money for Commercial Street.

Sales girls at these malls, mostly from the lower middle class families, were a vicious lot and acted catty with women buyers. It was a typical reaction of jealousy, to see people spending so much money. I've had many tiffs myself with these girls as they picked on us girls in their irritation. One typical gesture was to show you the most expensive item. And when you asked for a cheaper range, they would look at you like you with disdain and giggle mockingly. It gave them vicarious pleasure to pull you down :p


Today the scene has changed. Everyone has money. Every one shops at Malls and there is no keeping up with the Joneses factor left. Even the sales girls are a polite lot. They earn handsome commissions and do not resent people with money. Money ironically, has become the great leveler.

During my stay at Singapore, Jakarta and Bali, the television was mostly dominated with news of the ecological disaster facing humans. While the very same channels in India, concentrated on stock market prices and promos of consumer goods, their far East sister Channels focused on the Environment.

Watching the news for a week, made me realize that the good times are over. While we scramble to gorge on our new found consumerism, the west has already finished partying and is getting ready for the clean up. We have arrived a trifle too late at the party.

God bless the Bali Climate Conference!

The height of tolerance among other things...

It makes all sorts to make up this world. But some people are a little more extraordinary than the rest... a little more unique than the most unique person, a little more of a sucker than the worst sucker on Earth.

Suckers attract leeches, who feed off the sucker. The sucker of course doesn’t think he/she is being used and even justifies his parasites. I came across one such person sometime back. It took me some time to realize that she was 'the' classic case of a sucker.

DR is an extremely pretty plump girl. She is the only child of her parents and joined our office from our Delhi office recently for a years transfer. DR's parents too moved to Bangalore to be with her after giving their plush apartment in Delhi for rent for a hefty sum.

DR's father is a retired Police Commissioner and mother, a retired government doctor. She retired from the post as a Health Commissioner or an equivalent post. DR spent her entire life from Nursery to Graduation in hostels as both her parents were ‘working and there was no one to take care of her’.

From day one I noticed a routine in DR. She comes to office and immediately calls up home to enquire if her parents (both in their 50's and healthy) have had their breakfast she has cooked and left. She leaves money on the dining table for their daily expenses and grocery expenses. Her lunch is a horrible cucumber sandwich made by her mom. Most of the time she eats at the office cafeteria to escape the horrible home cooked lunch. She justifies gettting up at 4am and cooking and leaving the house because, her she says her parents are old and cannot make an omelet for her. She justifies leaving money for them daily, because they are retired and dont have an income. The parent’s pension plus rent from their apartment and monies from their ancestral property is worth a few lakhs a month.

Recently when DR was in Mumbai, her mom took ill. Her Dad waited for DR to return for two days, so that she could take her mom to the doctor. It turned out to be a food poisoning case. She took loan, among the many other loans to do the expensive tests that the hospital ordered to "rule out" any doubts. She aslo stayed with her mom in the hospital while her Dad sat at home and watched TV. She also bought her mom home in a taxi as in her own words, "my Dad is old and I dont want to strain him". He of course went to Mysore for a trip in their Scorpio after Mom and daughter were home. Did I tell you it was DR who put fuel in the Scorpio so that her “old” and “poor” Dad could take a break from excessive TV watching and socializing?

No amount of advising will convince her that she is being used by her parents. She feels it her duty that she looks after her “old” and “incomeless” parents and will not listen to anyone.

DR has a mallu boyfriend. Her parents are perfectly allright with her marrying her BF, as long as he doesn’t ask for dowry. Besides, they have asked her to take loan for her marriage which she finds “perfectly natural”, as her parents needs “her help” for taking care of wedding expenditure. The BF wants her to leave her job so that she can look after his sick mother. DR of course finds it a “perfectly natural request”, but is extremely worried about not being to help her parents financially if she does so. Recently BF’s mom passed away. Now he is citing reasons of language differences, to break off the engagement. Again DR “perfectly understands” her “poor” BF’s “position” as he is from a high caste and has scores of relations to answer to!

I am actually tired of watching this abuse. I am tired of watching this girls being used like this day in and day out. I am tired of this girls resilience to abuse. No one knows how to drive sense into her. Maybe bankruptcy, which will come soon, may open her eyes. My gut feeling is that it will not. She will have some justification for that too.

Her epitaph might just read “Doing your best means never stop trying.”

Bali musings...

The beach at Kuta

After watching numerous couples here at Bali with their kids, I've just realised the need for couples to have kids. Marriage is just paper work. Kids ink the deal.

I am not saying that couples without kids are unfulfilled. But couples with kids are definitely more complete.

I am aware of the word "divorce". A couple can divorce, but a parent cannot divorce themselves from parenthood.

Some more pictures from Bali:

The kuta beach road

Bali airport

The view from my room

A view from the hotel. The building on the right is the Hard Rock Cafe.

Singapura

I am in Jakarta now, after spending a day at Singapore on Sunday, well...more like a couple of hours that allowed us to go on a city tour. Amazing city, neat and clean and green and red and yellow etc with the flora and fauna vying with each other to show off their plumes.

Went for a boat ride too at the city centre. Our guide was Michael, all four feet nothing of amiable gentility with an amazing sense of humor. Micheal is the official tour guide of Changi Airport and is a really nice person. Kudos to whoever appointed him as the tour guide, because he is the kind of person who evokes tremendous respect and enormous affection at the same time. At the end of the tour, the entire group comprising of 99% Indians gave him a standing ovation that had even the grim faced Immigration officials at the airport smiling. I am sure millions of tourists must be having warm memories of him.

The city tour is free for all transit passengers whether you have a Singapore Visa or not. Those without Visa had to surrender the same to Michael, go through immigration etc before the tour. But this was taken care of by Micheal and hence one had to just follow him. Since I had a Singapore visa I was able to go out and meet up with a classmate after the city tour, who works here. I have been to this city as a kid, but this trip I noticed the city through a fresh perspective.

I am afraid I didn’t like the people too much. (*Sob* all those Singapore dudes who have linked my blog, I am sorry) They seem to be have been surgically removed of all emotions. You are an object to them, whether you are Indian or White. No chit chat, no smiles or acknowledgement of you as another human. The only time they smile is when they talk to each other.

Tomorrow, I am off to Bali for four days of unwinding. Will reply to comments after that!

Leaving you all with a song I heard when MTV entered India in the late 90's. Those days this music channel showed mostly Asian bands and this particular song from Colin Bass, struck a chord in me. Please ignore the video and listen to the song. Denpasar is the capital of Bali.

Ciao till next week!

Toeing the straight line...

The other day, when we gals were discussing an office weekend outing, one of the timid ones in the group called NB blurted out that she could not possibly sleep alone and if she were to be given a single room, she would shack in with someone to avoid getting terrified at every sound and shadow. Promptly another gal SP, retorted jokingly that she was not gay and hence could not sleep with NB. The joke went over the simple girl NB's head. I didn’t find the joke pleasant at all and snapped at SP that she was acting a little too Americanized. The other gals, who also found the joke unpleasant and totally out of place, immediately supported me.

I remember a mail from a gal, who wrote in saying she liked my posts. She also reassured me that she was very straight and her mail was just a gesture of appreciation :) I can understand and empathize with her need to emphasize the “I am straight” fact, after a few encounters of the above paragraph kind.

I cannot talk about guys, but we gals form deep friendships with other gals, friendships that are closer than the relationship sisters share and these friendships are a support system that we rely on heavily for, from a pep talk when you are demoralized to a shoulder to cry on, to unbiased advice when you need it and a whole host of things that only girls will understand.

Holding hands, exchanging clothes, sleeping in each other houses etc is a very natural thing to do with friends whether they are close friends or not. But today this relationship, perhaps the only relationship apart from that of a family that is not looked at with jaundiced eyes, is under siege.

People hear words like ‘gay’ without understanding its full import and use it sullying friendships. Friends are getting afraid to hold hands, or hang out together too long or have close same sex friends. It is cool to use the word gay, like in, "your clothes are so gay" to "you look so gay in that red shirt". What these people don't realize is that to be really cool, they should be tolerant of minority groups like gays and not poke fun of them!

The reason I snapped at SP was because, I am getting more than a little annoyed at the constant jibe some people take roomies, best friends etc playfully joking about them being gay. Though these are jokes, it does make the 'accused' a little less comfortable with his/her friend and puts a strain on friendships.

I am glad I am from the generation where we had no such pressures on friendships. But the people who subscribe to such views don’t realize the harm they are doing to friendships, with their half-baked prejudiced views colored by watching too many American serials, they don’t really understand.

Close encounters...

4 pm. I have gone through security check and am waiting in the Security Lounge for the boarding call. I am damn sleepy. I have only a small handbag as I am returning by the 9 pm flight. I doze off.

I am awakened by a child crying quite badly. It is a small kid with his mom. Mom looks around and as is the practice at airports, spots me, a safe bet to latch onto for, baby sitting, luggage sitting etc.

I am the usual target.

Maybe I should look a little dangerous so that moms in airport don’t consider me a safe bet.

Mom comes and plonks herself next to me. She smiles at me. I smile back while inwardly I groan.

She asks me if I can look after her baggage while she warms her sons milk bottle.

I agree resignedly.

She has a distinct American accent. My guess is she is second generation American Indian. Her Indian attire, garish, give her away as an ABCD.

She returns with hot milk in a bottle for her two year old son. While he sips the milk from the bottle, she feeds him samosas. He seems bright and intelligent like most kids raised in the US. He speaks fluent Tamil and English.

She offers me a samosa, which I politely decline. My mother has stuffed me with enough lunch to last me a week.

Mom then decides to go to the toilet. She tells her son that the nice girl, (she turns to me and asks my name) Anjali will look after him while mommy goes to the rest room. He seems okay with the deal.

She leaves for the rest room. Sons chatters with me with amazing maturity. He then looks at the Billboard and asks me what the scrolling text says. I look at him. His eyelids are droopy. He is squinting at the Billboard. It is then I realize that he is partially blind.

I am in shock and and have a huge lump in my throat...mom comes back, thanks me profusely and says goodbye as Jet announces its flight. I was flying Kingfisher. How I wish I had booked Jet. Damn you Mr Vijay Mallya and your good service.

I feel so small.

Out of sight but not out of mind

I came across a copy of a well circulated news magazine the other day. The question answer column pertaining to sexual health was a shocker. Kids as young as 15 years old, mostly guys were asking questions about their intimate problems. It was shocking to see this side of our teenagers and the kind of turmoil they are facing without anyone to answer their questions. There was a guy who was convinced by his peers to be gay, but he plaintively asks the Doctor if there was anything wrong with him as he liked girls!! There was a girl asking if she would get pregnant as she had kissed her boyfriend!! And she was just 14 years old! And more of what I thought was 'ridiculous' questions but was obviously an area of anxiety for these kids.

Several women's magazine also have regular columns like this and reading it will give our 'anti sex educationists' a reality check. But I guess it is better these people don't come across such columns or they would push for its ban because it 'corrupts' our youngsters and is against our 'culture'. What a joke. How do these people think they were born? Through immaculate conception? Why don't they prosecute their own parents for indulging in "immoral activities" that led to their birth?!

What I don't understand is how did the land of the 'Kamasutra' degenerate thus? By degenerate I mean, consider a natural function of the body 'dirty'? A country with an exploding population that considers the act of procreation 'dirty' is a disturbing thought indeed! What are we, a nation of perverts?

I think people who think that the act of procreation is dirty are the real 'perverts' because they deny men and women the natural right to associate with each other without guilt.

Right to sex education should be a given by law especially in a country like ours. Why do we deny this natural function of the body while we acknowledge the rest? We rush around consulting specialists and take advice on healthy eating habits if we have a heart problem and or diabetes etc. Why don't we do allow the same courtesy to sexual health? We allow Dental camps in schools, why don't we allow sex education? I am surprised that the moral brigade allows Sexologists to practise in our country!!!

What is the moral brigade scared of? Do these people think that kids don't know anything about the 'act'? In which case it is high time we burst the myth that our kids are asexual beings. Perhaps we need to educate the people ranting against sex education about the realities of life which might perhaps make them sit up and take note of the looming threat to the very fabric of our society due to ignorance. How do you expect people to exercise self restraint when you don't allow them to know what is right and what is wrong?

The greatest irony of our times is that AIDs has had more effect on our people than the preachings of priests, pundits and mullahs.

Today's newspapers show a group of saffron clad Arya Samaji's protesting against sex education. Last month it was an Imam who threatened the government if they went ahead with sex education classes. Do they know the type of damage they are doing to the youth by denying them the basic right to information that will have far reaching effect on their mental health?

On the flip side I hope places where they allow sex education are equipped with teachers who can give an unbiased reply to kids questions, or else sex education classes will degenerate into ideological or communally colored moralistic preachings and our kids will be back to square one.

Gone are the good ol days...

So I got promoted to a Manager. Normally I would have felt proud of this achievement. But I felt nothing when I got the mail from Big Boss informing me of my promotion. I managed a smile as he shook hands and offered me his congratulations.

I am now the Manager of the team I led for little under a year now. I was an Assistant Manager then to this team comprising of three girls and a guy, all elder to me by a couple of years. But then, my Boss was the Big Boss of the team. As his Assistant Manager I was informally the Manager of the team.

I grew up with this team. I recruited all of them when I first joined here. They are the best team on earth who have adjusted to my fast pace of working and the whole team sort of gelled into one unit with me being just a subtle leader in the sense of escalations and taking certain decisions.

We had fun. We worked hard, we partied hard, we laughed hard, we bitched about the big bosses hard and cried hard when we had a disaster.

Today all that seems to be gone. The moment I got my promoton letter it was like I had been wrenched away from a circle of friends.

When I see their names under mine on the Intranet, I feel sad. Just a few days ago my name was with theirs under the Big Boss's name.

When I got access to their appraisal page on the Intranet I felt like a back biter. When I got access to their Salary page I feel like an snooper.

I dont want to do this. I want the old carefree days back when Big Boss did the dirty job while I was the good girl, the fun team lead.

I hate the fact that I might now be the butt of "bad manager" jokes that I so specialised in till just a few days ago. I hate the fact that when I walk into a group, there might be an awkward silence as people suddenly stop talking. I hate the fact that I will get the full impact of disappointments when a salary hike in not upto expected standards. I hate the fact that I might be shut out of the world I was part of just a few days ago!

I hate being on the other side!!!

Conquering the demon within

Teresa is a contract worker with us, who was bought by her employer to do some data entry work in our office. She is been with us for two months now and her work will get over by next month. She is totally intimidated with our office environment, people and practices. She can type good English but cannot converse in the same language.

It took me some time to get friendly with her and persuade her to sit with us for lunch. Last week she was very despondent. I thought she was sick. A little bit of prodding and she revealed that it was her son’s birthday. I was shocked to hear that she had a son. She looked like a baby herself!! Teresa has an 8-year-old son and a husband back in Trivandrum.

Her story told in bits and pieces over the week has left me angry and very very frustrated. Teresa was the only daughter of her folks who worked in the Gulf. She was not very bright in studies, besides she was a simple girl. She managed to do her computers course and a graduation and was married off to a guy working as a contract worker with the Kerala government.

Soon after marriage, Teresa’s husband laid down rules and regulations for her. Breakfast should be at least three courses, lunch at least 5 courses and dinner the same. Anything less and he flew into a rage and threw the food out. Teresa had to come back home by 6 pm or he would make a scene drawing neighbors and sundry passers by with his rants. And this being Kerala, neighbors too would join in chiding her for coming late. Many a day when she worked late she came home, to a door bolted from the inside and had to go to her parents home to sleep. Next day when she returned home, she would get a tongue lashing for her ‘misdemeanors’.

Teresa had to put red coloring in her hair parting so that people knew that she was married and a mangal sutra too. Failing which he flies into a rage accusing her of deliberately hiding her marital status.

Her parent’s advice to stand upto him was of no avail as Teresa was too used to the abuse. Besides she didn’t want to lose her son, whom her husband refused to part with.

Fed up of the constant strife, Teresa applied for a job in Bangalore with a Branch of the Data Entry Agency where she worked and was selected. She told her husband that she was transferred. He had no choice but to let her go as she pays the loan of the house they built. The house is in his name.

Every week Teresa’a husband calls up and inquires if she has put the red kum kum in her hair. Every six month he lands up at her one room home and makes life hell for her by asking neighbors about her timings. This being Bangalore, luckily neighbors do not entertain such requests.

After paying off her housing loan, Teresa has barely any money to buy clothes or food. The free lunch in my office is a boon to her. When I asked her why she took such abuse, she smiled and said that coming away to Bangalore was her small way of raising her voice. She hopes that Bangalore and the distance from her husband will change her.

I felt so proud of her when I heard that! Teresa realizes her shortcomings and is fighting back, in her own way. How many Malayalee women do that?

Whats the good word for this?

What happens when you, a committed person meets another person who is just right for you? A really scary and sad thought if you ask me. An ex colleague and really dear friend of mine was going to get engaged to B next week. B had fallen in love with A at first sight and finally convinced A to accept his proposal for marriage after a year of courtship. A agreed as B was devoted to her.

A few months back A called me and confessed that she had fallen in love with another colleague C. Someone she related with a lot more than B. Some one she could talk to for hours and someone who was like her soul mate. A has known C for a year and this is no puppy love or infatuation. We can see the compatibility in the two.

We advised her to break of the engagement as it was not fair on B to be hitched with a woman who loved another man. A agreed and called off the engagement. We, her friends felt that B deserved better.

Now B is not talking to us . He thinks we are the villains of the piece. The home breakers, the relationship wreckers and other really bad words in the dictionary :( And that feels bad because we were trying to protect him, the ‘underdog’ in this mess. But B feels we should have supported him by advising A to stick to him as he loved her so much.

What does one do in such a situation? I don’t know. But our conscience is clear. We did the right thing or what we thought was the right thing. We took the right decision for both of them. Or so we like to think. ( Damn this is so confusing!!!)

Sometimes I wish I would stop being Samson the fair judge and blindly support my friends and forget all thoughts of fair play.

If there is a God above I pray that I am not faced with the dilemma A faced. I can’t think of anything more tragic!!! On the other hand I think A is really lucky to have met C when she did. Sounds even more confusing I know.

Damn now I am thoroughly confused and feeling quite sorry for myself .

(Presently listening to this melodious song)

The intelligence gap

He: I think you should get to know me better!
She: I don't think so!
He: Why?
She: Because I think I should not get to know you better!
He: Why?! What's wrong with me?
She: *sigh* Never mind!

Moving up in life :)

Today we went to the Empire Hotel on Church Street for lunch. After lunch I found my bike missing! The security guard informed me that someone had pushed my bike to the side so that he could remove his mobike and left it in a no-parking area. The result was that it was towed away.

Finally I located the bike and paid the Rs 300/- fine ( Rs 200/- towing charges and Rs 100/- fine. Ha!! ) The Inspector noted down my DL details and I was booked for "Parking in a No Parking Area!!!

I am now a criminal!!! :)


I AM JOINING POLITICS!!!!!

White pawns

I got back last Friday after a blissful one week in sandy, green and cloudy Goa. The occasion was a close friends wedding. On getting back I was told that my cousin brother George had got married in the US. George is a Surgeon and is practicing in one of the leading US hospitals.

Today George dropped in with his foreign wife. The look of horror on my parents face would have been side splittingly funny if it had not been the shock I myself experienced when I beheld George's bride. She was close to 300 pounds heavy and one could hardly make out her features beneath the double chin and layers of fat all over.

This post is not about foreign wives but about Indian men and their double standards. George is one such example of Indian men I have seen and met who were so fussy when it came to marrying an Indian woman. They were particular about dowry, color, family status, weight, religious division etc etc etc. Yet when they married a foreign woman, mostly due to Green Card considerations, such specs’ vanished into thin air!!

Now I have nothing against anyone marrying anyone…but when I see these foreign brides I wonder if they know the realities of their Indian hubbies and how these men would have cringed at the thought of marrying an obese Indian woman!! And I feel bad for these girls. I feel bad because they are being used and because they are married to double faced men…men who have a different reality for them and another for the Indian women.

Sundays, beer and Malayalam movies

It was a couple of years back that I began watching TV for a decent amount of time. Before that college and projects and Internships did not give much time with the idiot box especially since we had to start holiday Internships from second year of college. When I finally got to watch some TV and surf the Malayalam channels, the movie song sequences shocked me! It was as if I was watching a Hindi or a Telugu song sequence!!

I have been bought up on a staple of good Malayalam movies due to the extensive collection of movies in my Dad’s collection. Growing up on this kind of filtered collection makes you rather spoilt. You end up thinking that all Malayalam movies are good. Unlike Malayalees in Kerala, who have watched both good and bad movies and seen the evolution of Malayalam cinema, we the NRK’s have no such luck. We are still stuck in the Golden Era of Malayalam movies as we get only the good movies in CD parlors. Our first brush with modern Malayalam cinema starts with the Malayalam TV channels that air the songs from the latest movies. And the preview of the new Malayalam cinema is not very appetizing.

For us NRK’s Malayalam movies were the only channel to keep in touch with our roots and culture. Malayalam movies were a part of our daily lives. Sundays in Bangalore would see VCDs selling like hot cakes and people would even bribe the VCD delivery boy to keep their favorite movie for them for the weekend. Malayalam movies were a little piece of Kerala in our homes.

The commercialization of Malayalam movies is big loss to the huge NRK population that lives outside Kerala. Our intention of seeing a Malayalam movie is not just for the purpose of entertainment, but to keep the tenuous bonds with our naadu alive and to escape for a few moments to a place we call home. The Bollywood type of Malayalam cinema has little appeal for us.

I guess our numbers are too small and do not justify movies like the ones they made some time ago. Perhaps there is more demand for Bollywood type masala Malayalam movies in Kerala now.

I watched “Classmates” the other day. A really nice movie very rooted in the Kerala realities, yet entertaining and engrossing. “Classmates” may not be the best in its class, but it does give hope that the dying embers of good Malayalam cinema is still flickering.

Presently listening to this song. Thanks to Emmanuel for the link.