Thursday, May 05, 2011

Dummies guide to social acceptability

I have often been told by “some” mallu guys from Kerala that non mallu girls shy away from them. In fact it is so bad that even NRK girls don’t want anything to do with them unless forced to marry one by their parents. After studying the phenomenon for some time, I can give a few tips that might make “some” of you mallu studs from Kerala, a little more acceptable to the gals…even if it is only in friendship. Of course the majority of you can ignore the post. This post is for a select crowd only. You can see them hanging out at Brigade Road on weekends, talking loudly and discussing the ladies assets as they pass by.

1. When you leave the borders of Kerala, remember you are no more in Kerala. You are entering an alien land, where people live and interact very differently from what you are used to. Look around you and take at look at the way guys your age behave. You could learn a lot.

2. When you see a girl on the road or in the mall, she is here for shopping for necessary stuff. This is not a secret code that she is easy and available. She is dead serious about shopping.

3. When you see ladies going for early morning or late evening walks, they are obeying their doctor orders to walk their way to good health, or generally because they are conscious about the need to maintain a good fitness regimen for the sake of their health. They are not wanton women looking for an affair with young men by walking in front of their homes. Roads in the rest of India go past people’s homes, so it is natural that they have to walk past your building.

4. Hanging out at Brigade Road is cool. Remember the rest of the young crowd also think the same. That includes girls. These girls are not hanging out because they want attention from guys. It is a ritual in other parts of India for girls to go shopping with friends.

5. When a girl at work comes and says “Hi” she is being courteous. Just as she is courteous to the hundreds of guys at the office. She is not to my knowledge saying “I am interested in you.”

6. When a girl adds you to her email forward list it means she wants to share some nice forwards with you. This is not a secret code that says. “I am in love with you and these forwards are my love missiles towards you.” Take a look at the people the email is forwarded to and you will realize that you are one among the many recipients. If you are in BCC, it means she values the privacy of the recipients. It does not mean you are the only recipient.

7. When you see a girl, remember that she is visible to other guys too. So she may be a little surprised that you consider sighting her as an automatic claim to her person. So please don’t be miffed if she doesn’t understand that you can lay claim to her.

8. Married ladies and middle aged ladies are not pining for your attention when they go shopping alone. They prefer to shop alone or with friends because their husbands are not interested in shopping.

9. Girls will generally refuse your expression of interest because they have something called “rights”. A right can be described as the freedom under the law to say “no” to random guys who think they are the best thing to happen to her.

10. Friendship between guys and gals exist. Just look around.

11. Groups of guys and gals in the office going for lunch, movie etc is due to a phenomenon called “friendship”. It is an extension of college life they left behind. They do not end up in each other’s apartments in orgies. They lead boring lives. Please do not look at them and giggle and poke each other or expect the girls to come out with you too.

12. Stalking a girl will not make her fall in love with you. She will go to the police or HR. It is a perfectly normal thing to do and she is by no means being disrespectful of you or challenging your manhood.

13. Don’t get upset by the girl’s total lack of interest in guys. It is normal. They are happy being just girls till the right guy comes along. Till then they will be engrossed in chatting, shopping, movies, hanging-out together etc. This is normal and you don’t need to intervene to put some romance in their life.

14. A girl will meet and find a guy she likes eventually, or she will get married to a guy her parents chose. It may seem unbelievable but it is the truth. So chill and get a life. Your intervention is not necessary.

15. If you talk loudly people will look at you. It is natural for people to think there is something wrong when someone shouts. It does not mean they are looking at you in admiration due to your ability to produce high decibels of sounds. God promise!

16. A girl dresses up in certain ways because it is her style statement. A style statement is an extension of her personality. It has nothing to do with guys. It may seem unbelievable, but it is the truth. And no, she is not a lesbian because she is not interested in guys she is not interested in.

17. It is perfectly natural for a girl to sit next to you in the bus. She considers you just another passenger. It is definitely not a cue that she wants to be groped.

18. It is also perfectly normal for girls to be seen in the company of guys who are not their boyfriends. It does not mean the girls will go out with you too. These are friends out for a meal together in a city where there is nothing else to do. They will go their separate ways after the movie, meal, game of cards etc.

19. When a girl says “no”. She actually means it.

20. If you can look at a girl like a friend who is of the opposite gender who will never be romantically interested in you, you will be respected and befriended.