Friday, August 03, 2007

Modern Devdases

I have known A and B since high school. A fell in love with B sometime in the 11th Standard. B considered A a friend. Despite his best efforts B could not reciprocate his love. Because B always considered A her friend. A was a little sad at the outcome. But he had no one to blame. B had never led him on or given any indication of any romantic interest in him.

A has a blog too. Time and again I have seen posts about a certain "her". He writes about missing her. The way she smiled or frowned. Time and again on Google chat I get "I miss her sooo much" kinda messages.

A is not alone. I have several male friends, colleague and acquaintances like him. People who make a big hue and cry about their lost love, people who seem to love to wallow in self-pity and use even a casual romantic interest to become a modern devdas.

I have never understood this attitude of some guys. They seem to enjoy making a mountain out of a molehill of love. And all these cases, at least the ones I know were not love in the strictest sense. But these guys love to revel in the nostalgia of lovers who were parted a la Hindi movies.

I recently saw a guy friend’s Flickr album. He had been through a brief period of dating this gal. By brief I mean about a couple of dates. They never dated after that. Today I beheld his album in horror and amusement. There were pictures of him in many poses. Under each photo were various captions like "I am an island. An Island cannot be hurt" and "I have hurt enough. No one can hurt me anymore" and "Thinking of her" etc. This was a friendship which happened right in front of my eyes and I know how casual a coffee date that was.

In all the above instances, the guys seem enjoy their Devdas status and nurture it to supreme ecstatic pain. However they seem to miraculously forget their old love the moment another gal showed an interest in them :p

I just cannot understand guys like these. Girls on the other hand will clam up if they were hurt in love or cry. But only if it was a serious relationship.

The above attitude of some guys though amusing can be exasperating for friends like me who invariably have to sit and listen to his sighs and reminiscences. Of course it is no point drilling sense into him. He doesn’t want to "get over her" because then what will he groan and moan about?!

“Unrequited love” seems to be a fashion statement with some guys these days.


Neihal said...


Interesting observation and quite right too :)

Anonymous said...

I really like your blog:)

Fleiger said...

A. Some girls like to comfort a guy in distress.
B. In today's age, boys are supposed to cry.

Reasons enough?

silverine said...

neihal: Glad you agree :)

Anon: Thank you :)

flieger: I am sitting at a boring training session and giggling at that observation :)) But of course!!!

alex said...

"the guys seem enjoy their Devdas status and nurture it to supreme ecstatic pain. However they seem to miraculously forget their old love the moment another gal showed an interest in them"

Yeah. :)

Anonymous said...

Well, a last resort to bring them to senses.. They want the gal whom they loved to be happy rt? And she's happier without this relationship b/w them.. So instead of being sad, he shud be thankful that life gave him a chance to meet her...
Bah, Wht else can i say? I totally agree with you!!


ps: I really love ur blog.. Been a regular here..

Venkatesh A.R. said...

Good post.. and that's why there's a Devdas.. any lady equivalent for that yet??!!! i guess no..!!! :-)

Mayth!! said...

How bout inviting tonnes of sympathy...which now a days would be more of 'empathy'? ;)

Anonymous said...

I know several girls who were into serious emotional depression (clinical)...does that make any sense??

Fleiger said...

Well, don't tell other guys I told you. Then again, being sick (or beat up in this case) is also not a bad time ;)

silverine said...

Alex: :)

Rosh: Thank you :)

venkatesh: Thank you :) I am not talking of the real devdas types here. But guys who are perhaps smitten by the romanticism of being a devdas.

Mayth: Like Fleiger observed I think many do it cos gals are such suckers for devdases :p

Anon: Please read the post carefully. I am talking of guys who love to don the garb of a devdas and use even a small excuse to become one. I am not talking of people who were in serious relationships!!

Annie said...

I think it is the idea of being in love that is such a heady feeling :-) And to think we spent many a precious hour convincing Chuk to forget 'her'! Couple of dodos we were lolzzz

Chanel DSouza said...

I cant believe both of you fell for Chuks act. lmao!!!

mathew said...

well I was showing this entry to a real devadas-like friend of mine..He said he preferred to remain the devdas and he couldnt help it..
yet to meet any wannabe devdases like you mentioned...but i think it is quite dependant on personailites..some crave for the sympathy and others detest it..

Jiby said...

a chronic devdas classmate of mine in college said this once, "enikke panamille, glamourille, njan nannyi padikkathille....ennittum avalkke enthe enne vendaathathe!!!"

silverine said...

annie: lol! :p

Chanel: :(

mathew: Well your friend must be a real devdas, i.e lost a true love due to circumstances beyond his control. The people who I wrote about are in love with the concept of being in love or seeking attention through misery :p They are an exception and not a rule :)

Jiby: ROFL!!!!

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

i agree.
and i know more than quite a few devdases.but you know there's something else i've seen.
guy dates girl for a few years.
guy-girl break up for practical reasons.
they still remain friends.
girl finds a new guy.
girl retracts to this shell of insecurity..
in most cases, the new guy knows the old guy, and te story before ad after, because in most cases the new guy would be from the same circle of friends.
can you explain that?

neermathalam said...

girls excel in guess me who i am to you game and boys excel you betrayed me kinda moaning.

wonderful post....

The Quibbler said...

ummm hihi hi.. u dont know me
reading that(from jiby chettans blogroll)

gave me a sudden sense of de javu
size 72
k thanks chetta

J said...

Lol!! wallowing in self pity.. Couldn't agree more.

But i've noticed that of late, guys are a bit more emotional than the girls. Hmm.. change of times, me thinks.

silverine said...

TW: No I can't :(

neermathalam: Thank you :)

the quibbler: I read your post :) Interesting :p

J: You are absolutely right about guys getting emotional. The times they are a changing :)

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

Ssshhh.....don't quote me on this, OK?

But the truth is, many guys are just as weak if not weaker than women are. This Devdas phenomenon usually happens more to men who take themselves or their lives too seriously. When they don't have too many friends(as in people they really connect with), and are unhappy with their professional/academic lives, they feel a deap-seated loneliness, which they think can be succoured by a woman. So they fall in hasty, infatuated love, and when it fails, they wallow in self-pity and make Devdas' out of themselves simply because they already had a the-whole-world-is-conspiring-against-me outlook to begin with, and when they were 'falling in love' as it were, they were already looking at the woman as the-only-one-who'll-ever-understand-me. And mind you, this outlook towards the woman isn't really constrained by the time of actual interaction with the woman. And when they find that the woman does not understand them either, they go into the the-whole-world-is-conspiring-against-me-including-the-only-woman-who-might've-understood-me phase. But basically, it is simply his inherent mental weakness, which makes him hop from one woman to the next until some poor dear is foolish enough to settle down with him.

I know. *sigh*