Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The lone despised voice

A male chauvinist pig was a term used in the 1960s among feminists for men, who believed that men were superior and expressed that opinion freely in word and action.

This was a word we jocularly attested to guy friends and colleagues when they made some typical male remarks about women, more in jest and to provoke us gals than with any typical MCP feelings.

But from the time I have started working, this term has taken on a whole new meaning, a whole new connotation with a certain species of males i.e. the mallu male!

Most IT companies are like extensions of engineering colleges nowadays. The campus atmosphere prevails and I have met hundreds of techies from Kerala. Time and again I heard the term “MCP” being used to describe a guy. I never gave it a thought till I got a mail from an ex colleague informing me that another ex colleague, Jojan was getting married. He remarked “for an MCP, Jojan seems to be in a hurry to get married!” It was then I realized that the label “MCP” has a certain meaning for the mallu male youth.

From my research I have learnt that the term MCP among the young mallu crowd denotes a guy who has become bitter about womenfolk after being jilted by a gal. But the situation is not so simple as I have described here! Scratch beneath the surface and you get a different story, something that is akin to the "instant devdas” description.

Most guys who proudly claim to be MCP's have an unhealthy dislike towards gals who had the gall to change their mind about their boyfriends. These guys consider the move by the girl as being “unfaithful” and “typical impulsive gal behavior” They tend to color every woman thereafter in the same hue.

I have actually sat and talked a self confessed MCP out of his MCP'ishness by pointing out that his ex girl friend had taken a wise decision to end their relationship because they were obviously mismatched. His view was that she had jilted him. He refused to see that she had taken an educated decision and from his description of the story, I empathized with her. He seemed stuck at the fact that she had left him. His ego was bruised. The fact was that he was emotionally not mature enough to evaluate the relation ship as a bond between two people with distinct identities and respect the other party’s point of view. He was still stuck in the time when women “adjusted” to their men and not vice-versa. He did come out of it, only to remark ruefully that he would never get along with such women. He is now a happily arranged married guy :)

What I see in these guys is a little scary. They do not believe in “going steady” and ascertaining if a gal was the right match for them. Love is an easy uncomplicated “affair” for them. 1. They see gal. 2. They like gal. 3. Approach the girl. 4. They start seeing each other. 5. Time to inform parents. 6. Girl accepts the situation meekly. As simple as ABC!!

But the tide has turned. Girls want more than just a guy in their life. They want a compatible partner in their lives. They have begun to evaluate their guy and take the bold decision to end a relationship if they found it incompatible. But the label they earn for such a move is rather harsh and unfair!

I am now beginning to sympathize with the Malayalee female folk who made MCP’s of their guys. All that these girls did was say “no when it mattered most!

I know I will get a lot of flak for this post. But some men just do not wish to upset the applecart because it was tilted in their favor.

p.s the latest word to emerge from this crowd is "I am a cynic!"

p.p.s I am aware of unfaithful women! This post is not about them!


mathew said...

Although it is unfamiliar territory for me to talk about..

I must say when a guy says that he is liking a girl he really means it..I dont say girls dont mean it when they is just means that enormous courage or faith the guy puts in coz unfortunately the concept called bruised ego(bad wiring when God designed Adam) comes in place..and it is more difficult for the guy to recover from a "reject" situation..A girl being more emotionally stronger will understand and get over with..

Most guys wouldnt think an affair is a shopping day out where you keep changing clothes to find the best one that fits in..although logically that might be the best way out..

this is not a critic opinion.but just a peek on how the uncomplicated male psyche works!!

P.S On a lighter note any unfavourable opinion on unfaithful Demi Moore would be dealt with sternly.. ;-P

Sameer 'JOSH'i said...

In all likelihood, you know the Ladder theory. If not..

All instant devdases and MCPs have gotta read the two posts. The world cares a dime for their choice to revel in a state of eternal lonliness and despair. They can as well move on.

Every human thinks. But clear thinking is a talent. Even bigger is the ability to give words to those thoughts.You are just too good at tht.

n said...

Hmm nice thought ...I guess its verry difficult for the male species to face rejection ..and let go things ........

J said...

Yep, it's true that girls today think much more than the usual when it comes to settling down with a guy and compatibility amongst others are definitely in the check list not just for mallu's for people at large.

I've come across such guys and perhaps at one point in time might've behaved like one too, I guess the feelings left behind happen out of emotions and definitely a bruised male ego.

And yeh while the mindset of the girl has changed, the mindset of some guys is yet to change.

shruti said...

@ lovely post sweetheart . and a bold one too . I can identify with the situation you have mentioned and I think a lot of such relationships are a fall out of immaturity and exposure to all kinds of material at a young age that make youth want to rush into a relationship and then find out what its all about .
First relationships are always the worst cos they are a learning ground for most couples .Earlier girls were not analytical or werent as decisive or even as clear as to what they wanted so break ups were lesser but today they are more clearer and have their rpiorities marked out so it becomes very difficult to settle for less than their requirements.
However it is soemtimes difficult to understand someone unless you are in a relationshipand have faced relationship issues together to understand whether youa re at teh saem wavelength. Hence a break up should not be taken as a ego issue . Men tend to do that wehn theya re younger but I guess mature after they face more of life . Women might mature with this regard earlier and are also more careful whne falling in love .
Ofcourse there are those kind who imagine themselves to be in love with a girl without her consent and then feel jilted and habour ill feeelings .
These MCPs you describe can tend to fall in this description too.

silverine said...

Mathew: I was specifically talking of a few guys who don the MCP tag, and thanks for that manly take on the post :)

And in utter fear of my life I shall not talk anything about the unfaithful Demi Moore :p

sameer joshi: Thank you very much :)

n: True, but I have seen females coming apart at a break up too.

J: Thank you :) That is exactly what I was trying to point out...that women think nowadays :)

shruti: Shruti dear thanks for that wonderful comment!! Awesome and spot on observations!! Thank you!

Alexis said...

All I can say is that there are FCPs as there are MCPs and the phenomena is not restricted to Kerala. You can both MCPs and FCPs anywhere in the world and you don't have to look very hard.

And I don't agree with Mathew's view of women taking recovering gracefully from 'reject' situations and men making things difficult. Here also, there is not much difference. I have seen men handling situations nicely while women making it more difficult and also situations where women ending relationships with maturity while men acting in a childish manner.

So you cannot just brand men as MCP or instant devdas and women as mature and logical. In both genders there are CPs, as well as sensible ones.

Anonymous said...

Indian women’s liberation and empowerment revolution happened very rapidly in the past few years. The rapid changes she made has caught the menfolk off guard. The Indian woman never had it so good before.She has found that her financial independence enables her to experience a new-found freedom and autonomy. With new skills she has even become more assertive and it has given her a sense of confidence in dealing, both with men and with society at large. Today she needs the insulation to earn the big bucks that earlier her better qualified hubby required. So it is no wonder that she will choose wisely when it comes to the man in her life. Marvelous post!!

The one and only "Pattom" :-)

silverine said...

Alexis: I am talking of some guys who label themselves MCP's and it's unique meaning for them.

Anon: What a pleasant surprise!! Nice to see you here :)

Adorable Pancreas said...

Maybe there are good men out there, but I', yet to meet any. It seems like the term male is enough, that he's a chauvinistic pig is understood. Apologies to all non CP's reading this.

incaRed said...

While I see the broad point in your post, I could not help also see the generalisation contained in it. I have seen my share of 'modern devdas-es' and 'MCP's', but from experience know that this is not enough to generalise either the 'male species' in general or 'mallu males' in particular.

I have had my share of "jilted" experiences and can therefore be sure that I am talking from a perspective that is not available to those for whom this is unfamiliar territory.

In my first relationship, I could see that compatibility (or the lack of it) between us was going to be a serious issue and sensing that the girl was also going through the same thoughts, but hesitant to opt out (maybe because she thought she would have to face an MCP), I opted out as gracefully as I could without her even having to feel guilty about our break-up.

The second one was tougher though, due to being more intense and spread over a longer duration and the end did take a toll on me emotionally. But that's too complicated to pen here.

BTW, while I do admire your way with words and find your blog worth dropping in, I do find it surprising that inspite of majoring in English, your posts contain grammatical errors, lack of punctuation, spelling errors etc. I know that time is scarce, but such minor things do add up to a lot.

I hope you would take this as constructive criticism and that it would help you render posts that are not only good content-wise, but also in presentation.

No offense intended anywhere.

neermathalam said...

I didnt understand this part at all...
"Love is an easy uncomplicated “affair” for them. 1. They see gal. 2. They like gal. 3. Approach the girl. 4. They start seeing each other. 5. Time to inform parents. 6. Girl accepts the situation meekly...."

until the step six was the girl sleeping...????
or was she just testing the waters..??? if not she should have accepted it happily that is what i think...
not all relationship should end in marriage..but if the gal rejects a boy at that stage it just bruises the guys ego..and it haunts him for a long...
But think what if a guy dumbs a girl at that stage..will it be taken less is a casanova...!!!!
whenever accidents happen...bigger vehicle is blamed..and thankfully for the are 'bigger' err...

May be now a days that is not a sin...because everybody wants to have a best dumb girls and girl dumb guys...simple...

Whatever I don't understand the necessity of an existential confusion in it that complicated..???

some part of my regressive mind says it is the way how male mind is wired...for them thier ego is atleast as important as the pink salwar with a rose stall..;)
and some part of my progressive(err...) mind says what the wise alexis wrote is right...

your thinkpad tax my lazy brain a lot...u really walk along the edge.. :P..

Jeseem said...

broken relationships do hurt self-confidence, atleast for some people. after such experience, guys turn mcp and girls turn to calling every guy mcp :)
i think its just a matter of maturity, the more mature u r, the more easy it is to understand that u two were different and so the relationship broke or more correctly u were not able to reconcile on ur difference and still be happy.
and it is upto girls to show these mcps, a different stronger side of girls, especially to girls who are their friends. Just show how mature u r at handling some things compared to him and he will see things in a different light. labeling him mcp doesn't help in any way.
shouldn't there be a SPG (smart pretty girl :P )

silverine said...

Adorable pancreas: LOL!!! ;)

incared: " I do find it surprising that inspite of majoring in English...spelling errors etc I started blogging to get away from the prim and proper and calculatedly perfect professional writing. I have the tools to correct my posts and make it perfect. But I will never use it because I don't want to apply those rules at my blog. Call it a rebellion, whatever! :)
Secondly I have not generalized here. I have pointed out some guys who exhibit such behavior and the reasons. No offense taken :)

neermathalam: Yes I walk on the edge and am not afraid to :)
"until the step six was the girl sleeping...???? Earlier yes, nowadays "no". She is wide awake throughout a relationship! :)
btw pleasantly surprised at your rather level headed comment.

Jeseem: If wishes were SPG's then you would have one on each arm lol!! You are right, it all boils down to maturity :)

Anonymous said...

Long time reader of your blog. You never disappoint. Ever thought of naming your blog "Wonder years"? :-) But then we have got used to "My Think Pad" dragging our lazy brain cells squeaking and protesting to think.

Keep writing dear. Don't ever stop.

Wishing you and your family a very Happy Onam.

Long time reader

Fleiger said...

One thing I have observed among guys I know is that, saying I love you takes a lot of courage. All (normal) guys are afraid of rejection, and that would be a serious blow to a boy's self-confidence.

And although girls have gotten "free" with the years, and despite all the talk about gender-equality, 90% of the girls would still expect the boy to make the first move.

MC said...

its terrible how the malayali society has also made "rules" favoring these pigs. its almost like someone rapes a girl, and the society just says "oh she was asking for it with her behavior and dressing style". what the blank noise project says is so true.

and you didnt have to leave those explanations at the end..we fully understand your thoughts and intentions..great post.keep writing..

wanderlust said...

well said, and in many cases, the trait continues throughout their life - "i am the king and master and you - just obey!!"
but then, there are exception too, a few in the older generation and many more in the younger.

pophabhi said...

Is what you told restricted to certain section of people or sex? I dont think so. I guess whether male or female, ego or bruised feeling might set in to some percentage of them. There are enough FCPs like MCPs. Its not a matter of male or female, and rather is a matter of human relationships and the way people take it. My take is just a photocopy of Alexis'.
Nice though evoking post. As usual :)

Ganja Turtle said...

Make that in bold and underlined "IAM A CYNIC" ;-)

sunith said...

Well, I guess its a case of ego. Rejection is the hardest pill to swallow and it is easier to blame the girl for the failure of the relation than think logically. And it sure is hard to think logically when you are in love. It always lead to the question, what is wrong with me? and the reply that it is not your fault from the girl would make the guy arrive at various conclusions; the girl likes someone else, the girl was leading him on and having fun,girl is of loose morals etc etc. Rational reason tend to be too anti climatic. Mallu men need an excuse to hit the toddy bottle, and what better reason than a jilted love. :D.. I have been through a few instances of jitled love, and I know how hard it is to accept rejection with courage and not turn bitter. Every time a relationship fails, I promise myself no more! But, unfortunately cant live without women, addicted to them.. But trust women are none the better. I had some women who just wouldnt let go. hell knows no fury like a woman..... brrrrr