Sunday, May 20, 2007

Games people play!

If there is one single thing in my life that I most cordially hate, then it is people trying to fix me up. Yeah I mean matchmaking. How much ever people justify it, matchmaking is not right. It sort of takes away your right to make your own decisions and choices. I have been a victim so many times that I have lost count.

It is not flattering to be calculatingly nudged towards a guy especially if you have some grey matter in between your ears and can judge for yourself if you like the guy and would like to be introduced.

I have never indulged in match making myself because I think it is interference in a person’s personal life. I have faced situations where a guy who fancies a gal in my friends circle has requested for an intro. If I know the guy fairly well and am convinced of his sincerity then I do tell the girl of his interest. Never more than that. Then it is upto the girl to take it further or reject him. And if the girl was not interested then no power on this earth will make me try and convince her otherwise even if God himself tells me to!!!

The most irritating thing about some guys is that they go overboard when trying to match make a friend with a gal. When a girl shows disinterest they take it upon themselves to somehow convince the girl to the contrary. This includes subtle hints to the good character of the guy and pointed references to his undying interest in her etc. I have seen some disastrous relationships take birth due to this. All because some people did not want to respect a person’s right to make a choice and say “no”. I must at this juncture admit that there are girls who cave into such pressure and that some match made relationships do blossom too. But then it still does not justify the aggressive matchmaking described above.

I just wish people who match make realise that there should be interest in both parties before they start aiding and abetting the couple. I wish they realise that they are responsible for the consequences of their action. Having just been through the matchmaking tactics of some people let me tell you it doesn’t feel nice to be hounded like an animal. Yeah that is what it feels like.

( p.s I am in scorching Delhi now. Any place place worth visiting where I will not be roasted alive?)

24 comments:

G said...

Welcome to My World, Silv.

No, Not Delhi, rather, the one when people wonder if you're alright in the head since you like being single. No one gets it that one would like to come across a single person (rephrase, an interesting single person) of the opposite sex by one's own doing and not some planning and plotting by one's well-wishers.

Heh, getting to know someone on your own is so much more fun than having people peeping from behind pillars or sending you messages on 'how yu like?'... they mean well but heck, they have no clue.

But then they do it cause you matter to them and they don't want to see you alone. It's hard to be irritated too long, wot?

Enjoy Delhi, I was there earlier this week and had to endure a 6 hour flight delay back home on a Mallya-mobile. Nasty business. That city is HOT, just not as hot as mine.

G said...

Welcome to My World, Silv.

No, Not Delhi, rather, the one when people wonder if you're alright in the head since you like being single. No one gets it that one would like to come across a single person (rephrase, an interesting single person) of the opposite sex by one's own doing and not some planning and plotting by one's well-wishers.

Heh, getting to know someone on your own is so much more fun than having people peeping from behind pillars or sending you messages on 'how yu like?'... they mean well but heck, they have no clue.

But then they do it cause you matter to them and they don't want to see you alone. It's hard to be irritated too long, wot?

Enjoy Delhi, I was there earlier this week and had to endure a 6 hour flight delay back home on a Mallya-mobile. Nasty business. That city is HOT, just not as hot as mine.

Pradeep said...

Indeed it's atrocious (that's an understatement) to be hounded (with whatever).

Even in a love marriage or arranged marriage, there has to be an opportunity. That opportunity might have arisen in any way -- may be it was an advertisement, or a matchmaker or a movie or a project or college life or whatever.

What you are upset with is not the occasion, but being unduly coerced into a decision.

Whatever be the occasion that brings a boy and girl into a situation that leads them to make a matrimonial decision; ONLY ONE POINT counts: that the decision is that of THE TWO and no one else.

Further, even after marriage, the society shouldn't judge them or again hound them as what the pair should do or not. The two should be left alone to take informed decisions.

Fleiger said...

Oh my, the Phone Number episode must have left deeper scars than we suspected ;)

Well, there is one more angle to it that you haven't considered. Many times, such people are working (to get the poor boy a second chance) on the orders/instructions of the friend who the girl rejected.

Di said...

its pure torture isnt it.. and u're right about it being "worse with guys"..they'll suddenly start marketing the "guy" so relentlessly that ud prefer to take a speak to those annoying tele-marketers rather than speak to these people again.. :-/

Neihal said...

good teetal!!
:P

I agree with you, I do not understand how ppl take these things so lightly. My policy has been the same.

Being roasted in Delhi. Trust me if u can, it is better than being baked and roasted at some other places....have to see the silver lining, Silverine.

PS: Okay!! sorry for the PJ. :P

Alexis said...

I completely agree with you. It is one of most irritating things. But many people (some thinking that they are doing a service) do it. The best way to handle it is to ignore it. But some of the people never stop trying. All the best :-)

Thanu said...

Best way to handle this is get married then no one does anymore match making....

That worked for me ;)

San Francisco has awesome weather and u r alwaz welcome to come visit me :)

Jiby said...

one of the things mom told me stringently was not to involve in match-making even if it gets your closest relatives irritated with you...seems she and dad burnt their fingers ones...every problem since that marriage got referred to them for mediation coz they were the matchmakers.

neways i will be saved of this trouble coz none who knows me will vouch for my goodness, not even my sis...whom i occasionally pester to introduce some of her friends!

Anonymous said...

Haha..the grass is always greener on the other side..I am pretty sure now that the so-called "nosieness" and "busy-bodiness" of mallus is in many cases good-natured.You will miss that when you live in a culture like the US..where people won't mind you or even help you - they will mind their business only no matter what. Of course there are both people too..the ones who are concerned about you and others who want to irritate you.In a country like India where arranged marriages are the over whelming norm matchmaking is natural..of course there are fine lines between pestering and trying to reinforce a point or get you interested. I think the situation will improve if you see it in a bit more good-natured sense. Live among whites for a while and you will appreciate the nosiness and the so called "small-town" mentality of mallus. :)
~displaced_mallu

mathew said...

agree very much with you..match making sometimes go overboard and turns out to be coercion rather than being a mere facilitator..


But I would strongly recommend anyone here that I am god fearing..tetotaller..has got the looks of tom cruise..and the voice of Sinatra...Match making enquires from top bollywood and hollywood actresses are accepted..

Btw Anjali take it in your stride if you have had a bad day!!

Rohan Kurien said...

Anju, marry me and your troubles will be over for good I assure you :-P

Jithesh said...

welcome to delhi!BTW,this summer is much tolerable compared to last few years.OK. now a few tips to chill out.
Avoid outdoors till about 6 PM.(if u are on an official trip, then this is taken care of, unless u have some site visits). If u are interested in seeing historical monuments, then ur in for a treat! There are light and sound shows at Red Fort, Purana Quila and Qutab Minar.The show starts after 7 PM.You can also take a ride around Lutyens Delhi which comprises of India Gate and its suroundings.If u are a non-veggie, dont miss out the mughlai dishes at Karims restaurant near Jama Masjid.
Now coming back to the post, matchmaking can sometimes get u the right one, provided your liberties and choices in decision making arent compromised.

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

It's a frustrating touch-and-go with rain down here. Now I imagine it is raining outside, and it is half as much fun.
:)
You should check teh blog - I even have a picture there.

About matchmaking - some people seem to have plenty, while others rot in singledom.
Life is not fair. hmph!

Ajith said...

roasted silverine :) , visit lotus temple ..thats perhaps the only place in Delhi u can go during summer..calm,serene..but not very cool :)

silverine said...

G: People peeping from behind pillars it is!!! lol But I do get pissed by the aggressive telemarketing types!

Pradeep: Exactly what people matchmaking dont realise that the two people concerned should take the decision and no one else!

flieger: No this was not a reaction to the phone episode :) And people working to give the guy a second chance are not respecting the gals decision.

Di: lol I think match making can be considered an older form of telemarketing! :))

neihal: Good PJ :p Yeah I should be thankful I am not in Rajasthan!

Alexis: Very true, many people think they are helping when they actually are not!

thanu: lol good idea!! :))

Jiby: My parents have gone through the same :)

displaced mallu: This is not nosiness, this is making decisions for others!

Mathew: Thanks buddy! :)
btw your profile is extremely interesting and shall be forwarded to your target group....of course for a small fee :p

rohan: My dear Rohan. When I am fed of life, when I am waiting for that push to take the plunge from a sky scraper I will marry you surely :p You better run and hide if my bro sees this comment :p

jithesh: Thanks for the welcome and the list. I am here on work and I have a cab at my disposal. So I went around. I think I will come back in the winter for a more elaborate tour :)

toothless wonder: It looks like you need a matchmaker! Reminds me of that song Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match.
Find me a find, catch me a catch
" :)

Ajith: the only place cool in Delhi is my air conditioned office :p But I will try and visit Lotus Temple.

Fleiger said...

Oh come on... don't tell me you don't like somebody "chasing" you ;)

Anoop G said...

I sometimes get a feel that you are against me all the time :)

whether its match making or bird watching at brigade road :)

but now i am a totally decent guy. And having a 3 year daughter i want the world to be a better place for all girls and women!!!!!

Jay Sun said...

In Delhi...two places are a must to visit...one is Turquoise Cottage...and the second is Elevate (in Noida)...but close enough...enjoy :)

Jeseem said...

hahahah.. super..
hey how can ur friends and relatives see you roaming happily around. oru pani koduthe-thavum.

put another way, well all girls and guys will go meekly for arranged marriage, which is professional fixup. so why not do the more flexible refer via friends way. most indian girls are shy and if a guy tries a direct approach, unless he is a real charmer, he will be rebutted right out, marked in the list of bad showoff guys. so the other option is to approach via friends.

well if you don't like, just tell ur friend, that firmly. and if ur friend doesn't listen, well then giv her a good beating.

alex said...

Silverine,

Exactly. Mutual interest is very essential. But seldom do people relaise that. Like you said, they try to reinforce their so called good attributes. Some fall. Some dont.

And im scorching in the heat too.

ap said...

I have a genuine doubt here.....how do we get time to know about the compatibility in arranged marriages...just a thought......

AP

PS: And I am not frying. :)

silverine said...

fleiger: No I dont :)

anoop g: :)

jay sun: Unfortunately I didnt have the time to see all the unique places!

jeseem: I have nothing against matchmaking, but if the concerned parties or one party is not interested then the matchmkaers must resign from the job :)

Alex: Yes, mutual interest is very important. I am back in cool rainy Blr now :)

ap:There is no way of knowing I guess, but then if both people are serious about making a relationship work then it will be a success I think.

alex said...

Well..what else to do but experience the heat. :)

Whilst you enjoy the rains.