These are few uninteresting things about me that I have been blackmailed err tagged into writing by Mind Curry. So if you feel you have wasted your time here then kindly proceed to Miss Scissors house and put in a word and a wad of cash and she will take care of him rather creatively!! (Serves him right too for tagging my usual victims err I mean taggees hummpph!)
So here we go....
1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER:
I am a menace to the movie industry because I watch too many movies on DVD :p But the last movie I saw in a theater was “Taare Zameen Par"
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
The Appeal, by John Grisham
3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Scrabble and Pictionary! Pictionary being my fav.
4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
Reader's Digest, National Geographic, Time, Savvy, Femina... (all these are kept at our office Gym so I get them free)
5. FAVORITE SMELLS?
The smell of Earth after the first rain. The fragrance of Jasmine flowers and Rajnigandha. The way babies smell and many more….
6. FAVORITE SOUND?
Birds chirping in the trees...sounds of water flowing and waterfalls... and the sounds of the forest.
7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
When I see poor kids and when I see people stricken with terminable diseases.
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE?
Is it Friday yet?
9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
Kanti Sweets at St Patricks Complex on Brigade Road.
10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Natasha...but I will be magnanimous and let her Dad also have a “small” say in the matter :p (Do I hear someone say "Divorce court?)
11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I’D...?
…scratch my head and wonder what I would do with it. I am not used to the lifestyle of the rich and famous.
12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?
I am a Bengalurean duh! We are genetically reengineered to drive fast and recklessly on non existent roads.
13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
Yep!!! Two very stuffed animals. Stuffed on rice, mince and veggies and anything else they get under the table from me and bro. I never got into the habit of sleeping with stuffed toys. My only aim in life as a kid was to sleep in my parent’s bed.
14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?
I am plagiarizing MC’s reply here "Cool till it gets scary."
15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
I don’t have a car as I beg, borrow and steal from the other people in the house. But the first car I drove was a Maruti Van.
16. FAVORITE DRINK?
Water followed by Fruit Juices and Tea made by me.
17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD
..... work for Wildlife conservation.
18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?
Yes. I love Broccoli!
19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?
Brown, to match my eyes.
20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.
Too many to mention but the places where I have stayed a decent amount of time is Pala, Changanassery and Bangalore.
21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Football(ers)
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.
Genuineness!
23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
If I put my hand under the bed, I will get a joyful lick from one of the doggies who sleep there sometimes, chumma just like that when they get bored of occupying my bed
24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?
Yes!!!
25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?
Morning person.
26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?
Who cares? Any which way you can!! I luvvvv eggs!!!!
27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?
Hill stations, parents homes in Kerala, my room, the hammock in my back yard, the swing on the giant tree in front of my house...
28. FAVORITE PIE?
Hot Apple Pie with Vanilla Ice cream!
29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Vanillas with sauces like Strawberry, Mango, Raspberry but no chocolate please. I don’t like anything in chocolate flavor nor do I like Chocolates!
30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST? Deepti!
And this tag goes to…
Alexis
Neena
JJ
Deepti
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Selfishness or ignorance?
S is a suave and charming Management Graduate from one of those top B Schools in Europe. J my chechi (elder cuz sis) is a 24 year old H R Manager, good-looking, confident, well educated and smart. They got married last year.
S had met J a year ago, swept her off her feet with his charm and keen interest in J's likes and dislikes and then proposed marriage. J accepted. Soon after they were married and flying all over the world on vacations. He believes in saving money to have a good time you see. She was happy.
However there is a hitch in the story! For an intelligent girl like her, it didn’t take too long to deduce the hollowness in her man and her marriage. She realized that she had never got to know the real him because he had hurried courtship and rejected her suggestion that they go steady for a while and get to know each other. His contention was that they would, like other married couples have to work at their marriage and iron out the creases.
After the wedding and the honeymoon came the time when the couple had to live together like two adults and that is when J got the shock of her life. J had nothing in common with S. He loved sleeping during weekends while she wanted to explore the Art Galleries, take in a play or two or catch a movie like they did during their courtship days. He was a changed man now. A stranger. All her attempts to get him involved in other activities also failed. All he wanted was to work hard and party hard.
S considered himself Mr Universe and had married her to be his Miss Universe as she is very pretty. And as long as she played the part he was happy. And she did that in the beginning, dressing up for him, posing for photographs he would display on his Orkut account. But an intelligent girl like her soon tired of posing and getting dressed up for get togethers. S was not a bad man. He didn’t ill treat her. But she had nothing from this marriage except loneliness. All she had was a husband who worked from morning till night and partied during weekends when he was not sleeping.
Sometime back she called me up from Delhi and chechi and aneeti had a heart to heart talk like we used to just before this rascal came into her life. As she cried her heart out and we talked, she made peace with the fact that this was not what she wanted with life. She would divorce him. I didn’t oppose or support her decision. I just lent a ear…something her husband should have done.
Soon after the divorce, Chechi met someone nice and the two are going steady. S is left scratching his head wondering why she left when he had given her a nice plasma TV and Foreign Vacations! He is resigned to the fact that he will never understand women.
But that’s besides the point of this post. Chechi is yet another victim to something that happens every time. Guy likes gal, pursues her…shows his best side to woo her and doesn’t give her time to get to know him as he is in hurry to net her. Then he marries her, drops all pretenses, girl gets a shock to see the real guy and then…..the inevitable.
Things turned out well for my chechi. She is from a well off family, educated and employed, articulate and good looking. But most Indian girls are not so lucky! They get stuck in the marriage and plod on adding to the number of "successful marriages" that India so proudly boasts of!
S had met J a year ago, swept her off her feet with his charm and keen interest in J's likes and dislikes and then proposed marriage. J accepted. Soon after they were married and flying all over the world on vacations. He believes in saving money to have a good time you see. She was happy.
However there is a hitch in the story! For an intelligent girl like her, it didn’t take too long to deduce the hollowness in her man and her marriage. She realized that she had never got to know the real him because he had hurried courtship and rejected her suggestion that they go steady for a while and get to know each other. His contention was that they would, like other married couples have to work at their marriage and iron out the creases.
After the wedding and the honeymoon came the time when the couple had to live together like two adults and that is when J got the shock of her life. J had nothing in common with S. He loved sleeping during weekends while she wanted to explore the Art Galleries, take in a play or two or catch a movie like they did during their courtship days. He was a changed man now. A stranger. All her attempts to get him involved in other activities also failed. All he wanted was to work hard and party hard.
S considered himself Mr Universe and had married her to be his Miss Universe as she is very pretty. And as long as she played the part he was happy. And she did that in the beginning, dressing up for him, posing for photographs he would display on his Orkut account. But an intelligent girl like her soon tired of posing and getting dressed up for get togethers. S was not a bad man. He didn’t ill treat her. But she had nothing from this marriage except loneliness. All she had was a husband who worked from morning till night and partied during weekends when he was not sleeping.
Sometime back she called me up from Delhi and chechi and aneeti had a heart to heart talk like we used to just before this rascal came into her life. As she cried her heart out and we talked, she made peace with the fact that this was not what she wanted with life. She would divorce him. I didn’t oppose or support her decision. I just lent a ear…something her husband should have done.
Soon after the divorce, Chechi met someone nice and the two are going steady. S is left scratching his head wondering why she left when he had given her a nice plasma TV and Foreign Vacations! He is resigned to the fact that he will never understand women.
But that’s besides the point of this post. Chechi is yet another victim to something that happens every time. Guy likes gal, pursues her…shows his best side to woo her and doesn’t give her time to get to know him as he is in hurry to net her. Then he marries her, drops all pretenses, girl gets a shock to see the real guy and then…..the inevitable.
Things turned out well for my chechi. She is from a well off family, educated and employed, articulate and good looking. But most Indian girls are not so lucky! They get stuck in the marriage and plod on adding to the number of "successful marriages" that India so proudly boasts of!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
An Easter of despair!
Sometime back we got glad tidings of a bumper crop from relations in Kuttanadu. And then... murmurs of anxiety as the unions refused to allow the use of the harvest machines. Then the summer showers came and the anxiety gave way to wails as their crops died before their very own eyes...drowned in the paddy fields.
I wanted to lash out. Then I saw this post by Kochuthresiamma and decided to link it here instead. She has written about the situation so well. I am so mad!!!
Welcome to Goons Own Country!!
I wanted to lash out. Then I saw this post by Kochuthresiamma and decided to link it here instead. She has written about the situation so well. I am so mad!!!
Welcome to Goons Own Country!!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Monday musings...
Do you remember the computer jokes that used to come around in the early days of IT? Even we got them and we shared it with our friends in school.
Girl 1: Heard this joke? Back in the good old days a Hard Drive was a long trip home.
Everyone: Ha ha ha ha ha
Girl 1: And a Cursor was a profanity
Everyone: Ha ha ha ha ha
Girl 2 whispering to Girl 3: Hey what did that mean?
Girl 3 whispering back: I have no idea.
I then went home and consulted with the tech gurus and got the answers for the crowd waiting with bated breath back in school. By then some new joke about new and old terminology would surface and we would go back to the pretend game.
Then came pre teens and books like Mills and Boon…a little more solid than the baby food called Enid Blyton and the cycle repeated again.
Girl 1: Did you read Twilight Passion? I think the girl was stupid to get pregnant!!
Girl 2: Absolutely!!!! err but how did she get pregnant?
Girl 1: ahem err I mean, you kids won’t understand.
Girl 3: What do you mean ‘you kids’?? We are in the same class!!
Girl 1: No baba. I am not telling. I don’t want your mother coming with a fight.
The reality was that even she didn’t know and wouldn’t be caught dead admitting the same. I marched right back home and confronted my mother who was left very red faced and distracted me into another topic .
Pregnancy was a hot topic in class as we entered early teens though none of us knew how it happened. It was fashionable to talk about the the problems of girls getting pregnant before marriage after reading about the same in Femina and Savvy and other women’s magazine. But no one knew how it happened or thought in that direction. There wasn’t much to arouse curiosity or questions in a convent school.
Love was a simple emotion for us then. People in love held hands, give each other gifts and maybe a kiss as shown in on TV and since TV viewing was strictly limited and censored we lived in the ignorant bliss till a Harold Robbin happened and if we were not caught with it.
Then my aunt was enlisted to tell me about the birds and the bees and it was like a bucket of cold water being thrown on the lovey dovey couple we picturised. I refused to believe that the lovey dovey couples who looked so cute would do something so dirty. I was so mad at my aunt for bursting my balloon! Wasn’t there anything sacred left in the world anymore I wondered!! Having told me the basics, my aunt then proceeded to soften the blow by telling me how it was natural for two people in love “and married” and that that is how “married people” expressed their love blah blah. The emphasis on the word ‘married” was like a hot branding iron on my young mind and it sort of reassured me, as at that age growing up and getting married was a zillion years away!
Then came 10th standard and by now most of us knew about the birds and bees and had lost all interest in it. We were all young South Indian ladies by now and our talks mostly veered around career options, clothes and make up and Hollywood and Bollywood stars, though not exactly in that order.
This period also had its moments of comedy when a Nun gave us our first and last sex education class just before we left school. If the Nuns wanted us to be perpetually scared of men, then they succeeded with that one class. We looked on in horror mouth agape, as the Nun told us how a guy cannot stop if he is aroused and has to complete the act!! We were immediately reminded of the legend of the “Gurkha” who has to kill someone once he unsheathes his knife. Petrifying!
Today we laugh hysterically when we talk about that class, but we also gratefully acknowledge those nuns for saving countless young girls from falling into the trap of wily guys who knew how to play with the emotions of the Indian girl, most of whom were used to being second class citizens in their homes and grateful for the attention. The Convent gave these girls self esteem and self worth and more than a decent education and this is why there was/is a craze for Convent education.
It didn't matter from which strata of society the girls came from. Most were sitting ducks for smart guys due to the street savviness denied to girls by segregating them from guys and the taboo on mixing with boys. The Nuns were/are a big help in this kind of social set up even if it means that in their zeal they ended up dissing all guys as bad. Considering the fact that the percentage of gentlemen to cads in India is very low, I wouldn't blame those Nuns at all. It is better to be paranoid than sorry when you are an Indian girl.
A salute to all those Nuns who run convent schools. Inspite of all your doddering and gaffes in matter pertaining to love and relationships, your concept of every child being a gift of God helped millions of Indian girls in ways most people will never know or appreciate. It is no point promulgating laws to help the girl child. She has to be nurtured too and for most Indian girls their first experience of nurturing comes in Convent schools. God bless you all and may your tribe increase and teach the girls because your values will never become outdated and we have a long way to go before the Indian girl child comes into her own.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
The best of both the worlds!
It’s been almost four months since my trip to Singapore, Indonesia and Bali. I have been to Singapore as a kid, so this as my first visit as a grown up. Indonesia and Bali and even Singapore to an extent has left an indelible impression on me. I feel a strange impulse to go back there again. I think it was the Bali countryside and the polite Indonesians…but the place tugs at me for some strange reason. I was analyzing this the other day and I realized that what really struck me about these places was that though some of these Oriental cities and towns were as modern as any European or American city and town, they were strangely very homely! The people spoke their own language and though they wore Western clothes, their Oriental culture was very evident and entwined in their lifestyles. These places had achieved a very “local modernism” unlike India where being modern means aping the West.
Their unique traditions were seamlessly blended into daily life without being too overt or too covert. Like for example when we landed in Singapore in the morning we went to this small Breakfast place in the airport run by an elderly lady. The small restaurant was very well done up, but the lady was praying in front of a small altar. A tiny non obtrusive altar. She continued praying at her own pace and it was so interesting to watch her that we didn’t disturb her. She finished her prayer and then made us sit and made small talk while she cooked breakfast for us. I couldn’t believe I was sitting in the Changi Airport!!! Her demeanor was matter of fact like a mom cooking in her kitchen and she was not too friendly or aloof. I felt right at home!
Later in the day when I went into Singapore city with my friend, I noticed that guys don’t look at you like they are seeing a woman for the first time. They do look, but it is a polite appreciative look. In front of a KFC or Mac joint (I am not sure which), there was this huge crowd of young Singaporeans sitting on the sidewalk. The guys merely glanced appreciatively at us and we felt emboldened enough to look at them in their faces, something I would never do in India. Some gave us a friendly wink, we grinned right back…in my case it was a thankful grin, a very thankful grin for the appreciation and the fact that they respected me enough as a human being by not taking me for granted and approaching me. What an awesome awesome feeling!!
As soon as you land in Bali, you see small coconut leaf baskets, (the type we make small footballs with in Kerala), with food, flower and other offerings like incense, kept discretely around the airport. These are offering to Gods. The Balinese follow a Ramayan based Hinduism, which is very different from the Hinduism practiced in India. It is more like Buddhism actually and again very personal and unobtrusive but very evident. You got to see to understand.
The Balinese men are so respectful and the more dashing among them are to be found at the tourist places like Kuta. But again, it was looks of appreciation towards us, sometimes they asked names and no more and by the end of our stay, the whole crowd of guys that hang around Kuta had nicknamed us Miss Bombay! It’s not like we had beauty pageant winner looks, but merely their way of identifying us. Bombay is synonymous with India here. The moment they know that you are Indian, there is a feeling of camaraderie, as India is synonymous with Hinduism, the Balinese religion that they are fiercely protective off. Please don’t expect them to identify you as Indian, as not much is known of India here. Subtle hints about your Indianness will make people regard you a little differently from other tourists. And we used this to great advantage :p
When I hear our elders complain that their grown up kids and grandkids would rather go to Veegaland for Onam and Vishu and Christmas, I begin to appreciate the Orientals and the importance they give to their customs and culture.
All in all a very nice and warm experience. I wish India will also go the Oriental way when it is a fully advanced country. Right now our people are beginning to shed their Indian-ness real fast and our lifestyle is more or less like that in the US of A. Wish we could find work, life and cultural balance like the Orientals.
Their unique traditions were seamlessly blended into daily life without being too overt or too covert. Like for example when we landed in Singapore in the morning we went to this small Breakfast place in the airport run by an elderly lady. The small restaurant was very well done up, but the lady was praying in front of a small altar. A tiny non obtrusive altar. She continued praying at her own pace and it was so interesting to watch her that we didn’t disturb her. She finished her prayer and then made us sit and made small talk while she cooked breakfast for us. I couldn’t believe I was sitting in the Changi Airport!!! Her demeanor was matter of fact like a mom cooking in her kitchen and she was not too friendly or aloof. I felt right at home!
Later in the day when I went into Singapore city with my friend, I noticed that guys don’t look at you like they are seeing a woman for the first time. They do look, but it is a polite appreciative look. In front of a KFC or Mac joint (I am not sure which), there was this huge crowd of young Singaporeans sitting on the sidewalk. The guys merely glanced appreciatively at us and we felt emboldened enough to look at them in their faces, something I would never do in India. Some gave us a friendly wink, we grinned right back…in my case it was a thankful grin, a very thankful grin for the appreciation and the fact that they respected me enough as a human being by not taking me for granted and approaching me. What an awesome awesome feeling!!
As soon as you land in Bali, you see small coconut leaf baskets, (the type we make small footballs with in Kerala), with food, flower and other offerings like incense, kept discretely around the airport. These are offering to Gods. The Balinese follow a Ramayan based Hinduism, which is very different from the Hinduism practiced in India. It is more like Buddhism actually and again very personal and unobtrusive but very evident. You got to see to understand.
The Balinese men are so respectful and the more dashing among them are to be found at the tourist places like Kuta. But again, it was looks of appreciation towards us, sometimes they asked names and no more and by the end of our stay, the whole crowd of guys that hang around Kuta had nicknamed us Miss Bombay! It’s not like we had beauty pageant winner looks, but merely their way of identifying us. Bombay is synonymous with India here. The moment they know that you are Indian, there is a feeling of camaraderie, as India is synonymous with Hinduism, the Balinese religion that they are fiercely protective off. Please don’t expect them to identify you as Indian, as not much is known of India here. Subtle hints about your Indianness will make people regard you a little differently from other tourists. And we used this to great advantage :p
When I hear our elders complain that their grown up kids and grandkids would rather go to Veegaland for Onam and Vishu and Christmas, I begin to appreciate the Orientals and the importance they give to their customs and culture.
All in all a very nice and warm experience. I wish India will also go the Oriental way when it is a fully advanced country. Right now our people are beginning to shed their Indian-ness real fast and our lifestyle is more or less like that in the US of A. Wish we could find work, life and cultural balance like the Orientals.
Friday, March 07, 2008
An irksome threesome!
Arun and Suraj (all names changed) are both techies in the Development Center of our company. I know Suraj as he is my eldest brother’s junior. Through him I got to know Arun too. Arun also happens to be Suraj’s batch mate. Suraj recently got engaged and will marry in May.
Arun met Beena, a girl in Suraj’s project a few months back. It was love at first sight for him. Now… Suraj treats Beena like his little sister. When Arun asked Suraj to act as match maker between the two, Suraj baulked as he felt that Beena was not the kind of girl for Arun, a guy known for his escapades in the Institute. Suraj told him so point blank too. Arun’s efforts to convince Suraj that he was no more the reckless guy he was in college fell on Suraj’s deaf ears.
Arun came to me for help, because if Beena was like an younger sister to Suraj, I was like his grandchild. Which means he acts like a concerned grandpa with me. Suraj though a little exasperated at my involvement, explained with great patience that Beena though a modern gal, was not the type of gal he was comfortable associating with Arun, who was well known for his numerous girl friends and exploits in college. Arun is one of those smart and brainy guys. I guess the word here is “chick magnet” :p
Arun is terribly hurt that Suraj, his best friend never understood him, especially since he knows Arun well and would never associate with him if he was the kind of guy who played around with gals feelings. Arun’s gal pals were willing volunteers in his activities and besides that was over four years ago. Arun was the single straight guy like every other guy since he left the Institute.
My eldest bro thinks that Suraj is being a unfair. My second bro thinks Suraj is right!
I am just feeling so bad for Arun and the nasty trick History seems to be playing on him.
( Something that will make ad people smile. And since I have been there done that, I found it absolutely hilarious and very very creative!! Creative dept rulez, down with Client Servicing!! :p )
Arun met Beena, a girl in Suraj’s project a few months back. It was love at first sight for him. Now… Suraj treats Beena like his little sister. When Arun asked Suraj to act as match maker between the two, Suraj baulked as he felt that Beena was not the kind of girl for Arun, a guy known for his escapades in the Institute. Suraj told him so point blank too. Arun’s efforts to convince Suraj that he was no more the reckless guy he was in college fell on Suraj’s deaf ears.
Arun came to me for help, because if Beena was like an younger sister to Suraj, I was like his grandchild. Which means he acts like a concerned grandpa with me. Suraj though a little exasperated at my involvement, explained with great patience that Beena though a modern gal, was not the type of gal he was comfortable associating with Arun, who was well known for his numerous girl friends and exploits in college. Arun is one of those smart and brainy guys. I guess the word here is “chick magnet” :p
Arun is terribly hurt that Suraj, his best friend never understood him, especially since he knows Arun well and would never associate with him if he was the kind of guy who played around with gals feelings. Arun’s gal pals were willing volunteers in his activities and besides that was over four years ago. Arun was the single straight guy like every other guy since he left the Institute.
My eldest bro thinks that Suraj is being a unfair. My second bro thinks Suraj is right!
I am just feeling so bad for Arun and the nasty trick History seems to be playing on him.
( Something that will make ad people smile. And since I have been there done that, I found it absolutely hilarious and very very creative!! Creative dept rulez, down with Client Servicing!! :p )
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Fraud kundry mallu!
I was reading this nice post by Jina and something struck me. I am a fraud mallu as they come. But there is a difference between me and other expat mallus. I am a fraud kundry mallu!!! What I mean is that, all that I have experienced of Kerala, is village and small town life. Put me in Kochi or Trivandrum and I will be totally lost.
To me Kerala is the land of my ancestors and rolling rubber estates, gentle paced village life, ordinary country folks, a life revolving around the Parish and sowing and reaping and rubber paal collection seasons.
I know nothing of Kerala city culture, or the colony culture. It is alien to me. Last time I was in Kochi was about six months back for the wedding anniversary of my aunt and uncle in an old colony in Kochi or Ernakulam, I am not sure. They had settled in Kochi after selling their land in Moovattupuzha as both their daughters now studied in a city women’s college. I stayed at their brand new house for the weekend and my cousin sisters took me visiting to their friend’s houses in the colony. I was greeted with great friendliness by the other girls, a little younger to me.
They were more modern than the girls I am used to seeing in my village. They were nothing like the Bangalore mallu NRK girls. But they were nothing like the little Kerala town girls too.
There was clearly as lot of tensions between the groups of girls in the colony. My cousin sisters took me around the place and to the ice cream joint in the colony. Other groups at the place eyed us warily. There was a clear distance between the groups of girls. I walked over to one of the groups, much to the dismay of "my" group and exchanged pleasantries with a girl who had particularly nice bike. I took the bike as an excuse to start a conversation.
Most of them were on the defensive. When they saw that I was merely being friendly they sort of relaxed. I have seen this from city girls coming from Kerala to Bangalore. The moment they realize here in Bangalore no one is going to judge them by their hep or or cool factor, they relax and become friendly. It is a sort of defensive action that most people here will understand, some will pretend not to understand and some will leave comments calling me bitchy like after this post :p
I walked back to "my" group and they seemed surprised that my head was intact. Perhaps they expected it to be chewed off. I asked my cousin sister why there was so much tensions between groups and my cousin said that these girls and them were not on the same wave length. I am sure the other girls felt the same way :)
There was an expat Gulf group in the colony and a business class group too. A lot of competition existed between houses too and my aunts immediate neighbor was not talking to her neighbor since they bought a more expensive car!!
Maybe this was a small group of people and not representative of the bulk of Kerala city folks...but I found the whole thing damn funny!
I was the common denominator between some of these group during my stay here as I have other family friends too in this colony. I was greeted with great joy at every home, but my tiny efforts to tear down the invisible boundaries came to naught. People saw me off at the gate with great affection but were reluctant to walk with me to the next house. Damn sad.
The mentality was so bewildering! Non mallus on the other hand were welcome in every mallu home, but amidst themselves, these mallu city folk had a clear invisible line. It was a colony of strangers...of islands, yet most of them spoke the same language, ate the same kind of food, went to the same church, temple etc etc.
Totally bewildering situation and set up!!
Thank god I am a fraud kuntry mallu!
p.s I am reiterating that this just a one off experience. But then this was my only Kerala city experience too.
To me Kerala is the land of my ancestors and rolling rubber estates, gentle paced village life, ordinary country folks, a life revolving around the Parish and sowing and reaping and rubber paal collection seasons.
I know nothing of Kerala city culture, or the colony culture. It is alien to me. Last time I was in Kochi was about six months back for the wedding anniversary of my aunt and uncle in an old colony in Kochi or Ernakulam, I am not sure. They had settled in Kochi after selling their land in Moovattupuzha as both their daughters now studied in a city women’s college. I stayed at their brand new house for the weekend and my cousin sisters took me visiting to their friend’s houses in the colony. I was greeted with great friendliness by the other girls, a little younger to me.
They were more modern than the girls I am used to seeing in my village. They were nothing like the Bangalore mallu NRK girls. But they were nothing like the little Kerala town girls too.
There was clearly as lot of tensions between the groups of girls in the colony. My cousin sisters took me around the place and to the ice cream joint in the colony. Other groups at the place eyed us warily. There was a clear distance between the groups of girls. I walked over to one of the groups, much to the dismay of "my" group and exchanged pleasantries with a girl who had particularly nice bike. I took the bike as an excuse to start a conversation.
Most of them were on the defensive. When they saw that I was merely being friendly they sort of relaxed. I have seen this from city girls coming from Kerala to Bangalore. The moment they realize here in Bangalore no one is going to judge them by their hep or or cool factor, they relax and become friendly. It is a sort of defensive action that most people here will understand, some will pretend not to understand and some will leave comments calling me bitchy like after this post :p
I walked back to "my" group and they seemed surprised that my head was intact. Perhaps they expected it to be chewed off. I asked my cousin sister why there was so much tensions between groups and my cousin said that these girls and them were not on the same wave length. I am sure the other girls felt the same way :)
There was an expat Gulf group in the colony and a business class group too. A lot of competition existed between houses too and my aunts immediate neighbor was not talking to her neighbor since they bought a more expensive car!!
Maybe this was a small group of people and not representative of the bulk of Kerala city folks...but I found the whole thing damn funny!
I was the common denominator between some of these group during my stay here as I have other family friends too in this colony. I was greeted with great joy at every home, but my tiny efforts to tear down the invisible boundaries came to naught. People saw me off at the gate with great affection but were reluctant to walk with me to the next house. Damn sad.
The mentality was so bewildering! Non mallus on the other hand were welcome in every mallu home, but amidst themselves, these mallu city folk had a clear invisible line. It was a colony of strangers...of islands, yet most of them spoke the same language, ate the same kind of food, went to the same church, temple etc etc.
Totally bewildering situation and set up!!
Thank god I am a fraud kuntry mallu!
p.s I am reiterating that this just a one off experience. But then this was my only Kerala city experience too.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Beyond the obvious
The married gals in the office were discussing something the other day. The topic veered around having kids and one of them remarked that with the birth of her first child, it felt like the child had taken the best out of her, because she never felt healthy after that. The other girls agreed. They too felt that after the birth of their kids, their health had taken a beating. They all loved their kids to bits by the way. This was general women talk.
So I asked them why they had kids! The answers were interesting. Some had a child because the in laws or parents wanted grand kids, some had a kid because hubby wanted and some because friends advised that delaying kids was not such a good idea. Not a single girl had a child because they wanted one. Of course they all wanted kids, but because it was ingrained in them by upbringing and societal compulsions.
There are two other married girls I know who are in their late twenties and still not ready to have kids. The reason? These girls are beyond social conditioning and are thinking for themselves. They do not want a kid because they do not want one! One is on the verge of a divorce due to this reason! Both are adamant that they will not have a kid till they feel like having one.
A little bit of probing and I was left with some startling results. And I began to understand why some western counties are experiencing declining birthrates. And I anticipate the same in India too, though in the distant future. The trend is already started in the cities.
Most girls acknowledge that pregnancy spoils their figure and health. And most of them acknowledge that this is an area where they have absolutely no control. They can choose who they can marry, what they can wear etc etc. But the choice of having a child is not hers at all. It is almost as if her womb is collective property of her family and society.
This might sound appalling, but many girls think that men need them for procreation and the act of procreation and then...child upbringing. Period. Beyond that they feel they don’t serve any purpose.
This post is not about women’s responsibility and all that blah. It is about women questioning that notion. It is about girls asking why they cannot be looked at beyond the accessory called the womb… and their desire to choose to use their womb OR NOT! They are questioning the generations old notion that a woman/married couple MUST have a kid. That she is of no use to a man if she does not want to have one. It is about women who would like a choice in the matter. This generation of girls will only raise these questions. But the subsequent generation will start exerting their rights, especially the right to their body not being taken for granted.
And all this throws some interesting questions. Will a man marry a gal who does not want to have kids? For men, having kids is a sign of masculinity. For women a sign of fertility. But then both have to work the next day and work equal hours. And when the task of gestating a kid and then giving birth, then the mandatory confinement etc etc is not acknowledged at the work place at least beyond statutory period stated by labor laws, women tend to question the futility of the exercise. The feeling that they are being short changed vis a vis the father of the kid, is always there. It is a silent accepting resentment...for this generation of women.
This post is about “some” women and their choices with their body, and their desire to not be taken for granted because they have a womb and their desire not to use that womb if they chose. And also about men accepting that not having kids is not a sign that they are not masculine, an acceptance that many girls feel will lift a big historical burden from their shoulders :) There will always be more women willing to have kids than those who do not. But the ones who do not, should not be looked upon like deviants.
The last para is to ensure that this does not become a modern woman bashing forum. Comments on the same will not be published. If a “particular group” of Anonymous commenters, who usually slander here [:p] want to contribute to the discussion positively, they are welcome. Those who cannot stomach the post, please don’t bother leaving a comment and giving me the added chore of rejecting it. You are welcome, however to hang around and see how a mature discussion takes place. Of course you will hang around anyways without me telling you all to :p
So I asked them why they had kids! The answers were interesting. Some had a child because the in laws or parents wanted grand kids, some had a kid because hubby wanted and some because friends advised that delaying kids was not such a good idea. Not a single girl had a child because they wanted one. Of course they all wanted kids, but because it was ingrained in them by upbringing and societal compulsions.
There are two other married girls I know who are in their late twenties and still not ready to have kids. The reason? These girls are beyond social conditioning and are thinking for themselves. They do not want a kid because they do not want one! One is on the verge of a divorce due to this reason! Both are adamant that they will not have a kid till they feel like having one.
A little bit of probing and I was left with some startling results. And I began to understand why some western counties are experiencing declining birthrates. And I anticipate the same in India too, though in the distant future. The trend is already started in the cities.
Most girls acknowledge that pregnancy spoils their figure and health. And most of them acknowledge that this is an area where they have absolutely no control. They can choose who they can marry, what they can wear etc etc. But the choice of having a child is not hers at all. It is almost as if her womb is collective property of her family and society.
This might sound appalling, but many girls think that men need them for procreation and the act of procreation and then...child upbringing. Period. Beyond that they feel they don’t serve any purpose.
This post is not about women’s responsibility and all that blah. It is about women questioning that notion. It is about girls asking why they cannot be looked at beyond the accessory called the womb… and their desire to choose to use their womb OR NOT! They are questioning the generations old notion that a woman/married couple MUST have a kid. That she is of no use to a man if she does not want to have one. It is about women who would like a choice in the matter. This generation of girls will only raise these questions. But the subsequent generation will start exerting their rights, especially the right to their body not being taken for granted.
And all this throws some interesting questions. Will a man marry a gal who does not want to have kids? For men, having kids is a sign of masculinity. For women a sign of fertility. But then both have to work the next day and work equal hours. And when the task of gestating a kid and then giving birth, then the mandatory confinement etc etc is not acknowledged at the work place at least beyond statutory period stated by labor laws, women tend to question the futility of the exercise. The feeling that they are being short changed vis a vis the father of the kid, is always there. It is a silent accepting resentment...for this generation of women.
This post is about “some” women and their choices with their body, and their desire to not be taken for granted because they have a womb and their desire not to use that womb if they chose. And also about men accepting that not having kids is not a sign that they are not masculine, an acceptance that many girls feel will lift a big historical burden from their shoulders :) There will always be more women willing to have kids than those who do not. But the ones who do not, should not be looked upon like deviants.
The last para is to ensure that this does not become a modern woman bashing forum. Comments on the same will not be published. If a “particular group” of Anonymous commenters, who usually slander here [:p] want to contribute to the discussion positively, they are welcome. Those who cannot stomach the post, please don’t bother leaving a comment and giving me the added chore of rejecting it. You are welcome, however to hang around and see how a mature discussion takes place. Of course you will hang around anyways without me telling you all to :p
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Not very straight!
The first time I heard about “Gays” I was sick to my stomach. I think I heard the term on TV. I couldn’t believe such people existed. Then came a plethora of articles and discussions about gays and their struggles to make the society comes to terms with their sexuality. After some time I reconciled that this “phenomenon’ was not going to go away, judging from the frequent newspapers reports in the foreign media. And I decided to face my squeamishness head on. I can never hate/loathe something just like that. And if I do, I do an analysis to find out why and usually end up with a whole new perspective to the situation.
From what I read about gays, there are a lot of factors that make them that way. I am not going into their genesis here but my acceptance and coming to terms with them. When I put myself in their shoes it suddenly became clear that it was absolutely not fair that these people should be ridiculed for doing what is “natural” for them, however unnatural it may be for us. I realized that I wouldn’t want someone pointing their fingers at me and saying “cheee she likes guys!! ugh”
And when I saw things from that perspective, I felt bad for them. I still haven’t gotten over the feeling of distaste, but then I sympathize with them, just the way I would sympathize with a star crossed straight couple.
Having said all that I must say that I hear with disquiet the accounts of several male friends and colleagues who have been propositioned by gay men. Then I read posts like this and this and many more that I forgot to bookmark...and I feel that if it doesn't stop then no one should blame the onset of homophobia, that is still unheard of in this country. And what is more disquieting is that there is no law on Earth in this country to protect you from gay sexual harassment!
I am not against gays, but the increasing unreported reports of gay people hitting on straight folks is alarming and should be condemned just like a straight guy sexually harassing a straight woman.
And if it is confusion about someones sexuality that is leading to these incidents, then we perhaps should have a differentiator so that such “accidents” do not happen.
From what I read about gays, there are a lot of factors that make them that way. I am not going into their genesis here but my acceptance and coming to terms with them. When I put myself in their shoes it suddenly became clear that it was absolutely not fair that these people should be ridiculed for doing what is “natural” for them, however unnatural it may be for us. I realized that I wouldn’t want someone pointing their fingers at me and saying “cheee she likes guys!! ugh”
And when I saw things from that perspective, I felt bad for them. I still haven’t gotten over the feeling of distaste, but then I sympathize with them, just the way I would sympathize with a star crossed straight couple.
Having said all that I must say that I hear with disquiet the accounts of several male friends and colleagues who have been propositioned by gay men. Then I read posts like this and this and many more that I forgot to bookmark...and I feel that if it doesn't stop then no one should blame the onset of homophobia, that is still unheard of in this country. And what is more disquieting is that there is no law on Earth in this country to protect you from gay sexual harassment!
I am not against gays, but the increasing unreported reports of gay people hitting on straight folks is alarming and should be condemned just like a straight guy sexually harassing a straight woman.
And if it is confusion about someones sexuality that is leading to these incidents, then we perhaps should have a differentiator so that such “accidents” do not happen.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Dream homes and lonely hearths
Two weeks back I was in Kochi for a day for my cousin’s engagement. His parents are government servants and they have built a dream house, just like other middle class people before them, through years of saving, scrimping, penny pinching and loans. Aunty has done up the house so tastefully that I asked her to seriously consider Interior Designing after retirement. I was the last to leave the house by the late evening flight. After everyone had left, I wandered around the house, marveling at the tastefully done up rooms, thoughtfully designed spaces and the peaceful ambiance.
My aunt explained that she would now close all the rooms except the master bedroom till the next family get together. Their three kids are grown up and two of them are working, while the third is pursuing an MBA in the North.
This couple is one amongst the scores of couples I know in a similar predicament. People who dreamt of a home of their own and worked long and hard towards it till the twilight days of their life. And when they had it all, the dream home with rooms for all the kids, the garden and the feeling of living in ones own home after years of rented accommodation...they realize that they are alone in the house and finding it difficult to maintain it in their advanced age.
My uncle curses himself for building this house. He wishes he had invested in a small home where he and his wife could stay and saved the rest of the money. The years of toil and turmoil to own a home had fruitioned only to come to a naught.
My Uncle fondly remembers the good old days in their rented accommodation. He has no happy memories of this house. He misses his old neighbors. Aunty on the other hand feels relieved that they don’t have to live in a rented house in their old age. But she admits that making such a large house wasn’t such a good idea after all.
There are many such lonely dream homes in Kerala. Expensive monuments to shortsightedness. Most of them have only one or two of the rooms occupied. The people for whom it was meant, will never return. The people they left behind are left with an empty new home, hearth and hearts.
There are many reasons why people blog. But here is a reason why some people like to
read blogs.
My aunt explained that she would now close all the rooms except the master bedroom till the next family get together. Their three kids are grown up and two of them are working, while the third is pursuing an MBA in the North.
This couple is one amongst the scores of couples I know in a similar predicament. People who dreamt of a home of their own and worked long and hard towards it till the twilight days of their life. And when they had it all, the dream home with rooms for all the kids, the garden and the feeling of living in ones own home after years of rented accommodation...they realize that they are alone in the house and finding it difficult to maintain it in their advanced age.
My uncle curses himself for building this house. He wishes he had invested in a small home where he and his wife could stay and saved the rest of the money. The years of toil and turmoil to own a home had fruitioned only to come to a naught.
My Uncle fondly remembers the good old days in their rented accommodation. He has no happy memories of this house. He misses his old neighbors. Aunty on the other hand feels relieved that they don’t have to live in a rented house in their old age. But she admits that making such a large house wasn’t such a good idea after all.
There are many such lonely dream homes in Kerala. Expensive monuments to shortsightedness. Most of them have only one or two of the rooms occupied. The people for whom it was meant, will never return. The people they left behind are left with an empty new home, hearth and hearts.
There are many reasons why people blog. But here is a reason why some people like to
read blogs.
The long and short of it
Event: Bike expedition to a place on the outskirts of Bangalore.
Guy
Checked bike
Money
Water
Camera
Ready to go.
Girl
Go shopping and buy:
Large straw hat
Scarf
Sun tan lotion
Long sleeved top
Mosquito repellent
Torch
Paracetamol
Pack
Water
Snacks
Money
Soft drinks
Band Aid
Tissues
IPod
Soap
Camera
Extra battery
Extra Memory Card
Mobile
Mobile charger
Comb
Guy cancels trip as it is 12 noon already. Girl feels it is typical guy procrastination.
Written by: Georgie porgie pudding and ...err I mean 'George'.
Above post written by my cousin brother when a certain cousin sister was supposed to accompany him for a bike expedition. He intends to blog one day like his cousin sister. So I am posting his first post ( with heavy handed editing ) here.
p.s I would kill to have a colleague like this guy!
Guy
Checked bike
Money
Water
Camera
Ready to go.
Girl
Go shopping and buy:
Large straw hat
Scarf
Sun tan lotion
Long sleeved top
Mosquito repellent
Torch
Paracetamol
Pack
Water
Snacks
Money
Soft drinks
Band Aid
Tissues
IPod
Soap
Camera
Extra battery
Extra Memory Card
Mobile
Mobile charger
Comb
Guy cancels trip as it is 12 noon already. Girl feels it is typical guy procrastination.
Written by: Georgie porgie pudding and ...err I mean 'George'.
Above post written by my cousin brother when a certain cousin sister was supposed to accompany him for a bike expedition. He intends to blog one day like his cousin sister. So I am posting his first post ( with heavy handed editing ) here.
p.s I would kill to have a colleague like this guy!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Ties that knot
Why do these American celebrities marry? This is a question that just beats me!!! I mean these people do everything a married couple does without the paperwork, then why ink the deal that we all know will not last long? Especially when the paperwork for a Divorce is much lengthier than that of a wedding? Besides horribly expensive too, if newspaper reports are to be believed.
From here it seems these people live in a charmed world. There is absolutely no pressure from society in their personal lives, except perhaps in the upbringing and care of children. They do not have to follow any religious diktats either. A couple can make up their mind to live together and have kids and do it with the blessing of their family and friends. And that makes parting also easier and less expensive and tedious. In such a set up, marriage seems to be an anathema. An institution that seems more outdated than a bullock cart. In fact it seems like a laughable idea to me!
I shake my head in disbelief when I hear of celebrity weddings.The glowing bride, the smiling groom, the decorations etc looks like a joke to be frank, because very soon the very same glowing bride will be holding onto another smiling groom and vice versa! Of course after a bitter and very public and even more expensive divorce!
Do the guests at the wedding who go awwww as the happy couple pose for photographs after the Nuptials, really believe that this is a happily-ever-after spectacle? Especially when they know that they will soon be invited to the very same couples wedding albeit to different people a few months down the line!
To me it is like two friends deciding to make their friendship legal! Totally ridiculous as friendship doesn’t need official or religious sanction, 'just like' living together like a couple and having kids for these folks in the West!
So why do these celebrities marry!?! Beats me!
p.s do check out a bloggers version of Readers Digests Life is like that!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Amen!
Happy Valentines Day to you all!
What does the school and college going young Indians think about issues like molestation of women and bullying & ragging? Click on and you will be surprised!! Wish parents and law makers read the pulse of the young. It is the key to keeping abreast with the changing times. The youth as you can see, don't see eye to eye with the old wizened Gandhi capped thespians who rule over us. And since the youth is our greatest asset, alienating them is not such a good idea Mr Minister!
What does the school and college going young Indians think about issues like molestation of women and bullying & ragging? Click on and you will be surprised!! Wish parents and law makers read the pulse of the young. It is the key to keeping abreast with the changing times. The youth as you can see, don't see eye to eye with the old wizened Gandhi capped thespians who rule over us. And since the youth is our greatest asset, alienating them is not such a good idea Mr Minister!
Saturday, February 09, 2008
The tenous familial bonds...
Circa 2005: Me and my eldest brother had gone to the airport to pick up my Dad. Upon arrival we were told that the flight was late by half an hour. While I sat at the chair outside, my brother went to pick up some magazines. Suddenly I saw a Taxi arriving and disgorging a whole lot of my relations from Kerala onto the road. There was my Uncle (my moms first cousin) and his brand new wife and her parents and siblings. I had been to their wedding and hence recognized the brides people. I was so happy to see them that it escaped me that no one knew of their presence in Bangalore. It was while talking to them that it came to light that they had come to Bangalore a week before and the fact that neither of my parents or any other relations knew of the same.
I felt terribly hurt. I did not understand how he could have come and gone without even calling up to say hello. This did not happen in my family. We are a very close knit family with no formalities amongst us. Anyone can drop in anytime and expect to be given food and board without question.
My parents dismissed the incident with an excuse that perhaps he was too busy to call up. But I was not convinced and felt very hurt. He did call up later and apologized to my parents and never did it again.
Circa 2008: Last week I went to drop my ex colleague and good friend to her PG after a movie. After dropping her to the gate I was walking back to the car when I heard someone shouting my name. I looked around and saw my Uncle from Kochi waving to me furiously. He looked so happy to see me!! I was flabbergasted to see him in Bangalore because I didn’t know he was here.
He came running huffing and puffing, mighty proud to have caught up with me. He explained between gasps and pants that he was shouting my name for some time and was quite sure he would have lost me. He explained that his wife’s cousins lived here and they were visiting them. Soon the wife came and joined us. My aunt explained with an embarrassed smile that they didn’t have time to call us. I pretended great understanding at their predicament while inside it hurt bad to know that this Uncle, one of my favorite since childhood, had not called up home or told us that he was here, even though he later made it a point to drop in home .
In both cases, the new entrants in the family, the wife were the people who were unaware of the culture of a large family. Some were even miffed at their spouse’s penchant for following age old family customs. Over the years, many new entrants have come and been assimilated in the family and are happy to be part of this large whole. These are people who realize that they are part of a family that accepts them no matter who they are and what their net worth is.
On the other hand there are some like the two examples above, who harbor the age old feelings of envy and or inferiority complex or plain aloofness that prevents them from appreciating familial bonds and niceties. What a pity. I have seen several new relations like this, who act all boorish and then with age, regret the time they kept away from a large but loving group of people for petty reasons. Life is short they realize a bit too late.
But it hurts bad when you come across cases like the ones I mentioned above. It is like being rejected by ones own. I wish every new entrants into new families, whether a guy or a gal realize this and accept and appreciate the spirit of their new families!
p.s do read this beautiful post!
I felt terribly hurt. I did not understand how he could have come and gone without even calling up to say hello. This did not happen in my family. We are a very close knit family with no formalities amongst us. Anyone can drop in anytime and expect to be given food and board without question.
My parents dismissed the incident with an excuse that perhaps he was too busy to call up. But I was not convinced and felt very hurt. He did call up later and apologized to my parents and never did it again.
Circa 2008: Last week I went to drop my ex colleague and good friend to her PG after a movie. After dropping her to the gate I was walking back to the car when I heard someone shouting my name. I looked around and saw my Uncle from Kochi waving to me furiously. He looked so happy to see me!! I was flabbergasted to see him in Bangalore because I didn’t know he was here.
He came running huffing and puffing, mighty proud to have caught up with me. He explained between gasps and pants that he was shouting my name for some time and was quite sure he would have lost me. He explained that his wife’s cousins lived here and they were visiting them. Soon the wife came and joined us. My aunt explained with an embarrassed smile that they didn’t have time to call us. I pretended great understanding at their predicament while inside it hurt bad to know that this Uncle, one of my favorite since childhood, had not called up home or told us that he was here, even though he later made it a point to drop in home .
In both cases, the new entrants in the family, the wife were the people who were unaware of the culture of a large family. Some were even miffed at their spouse’s penchant for following age old family customs. Over the years, many new entrants have come and been assimilated in the family and are happy to be part of this large whole. These are people who realize that they are part of a family that accepts them no matter who they are and what their net worth is.
On the other hand there are some like the two examples above, who harbor the age old feelings of envy and or inferiority complex or plain aloofness that prevents them from appreciating familial bonds and niceties. What a pity. I have seen several new relations like this, who act all boorish and then with age, regret the time they kept away from a large but loving group of people for petty reasons. Life is short they realize a bit too late.
But it hurts bad when you come across cases like the ones I mentioned above. It is like being rejected by ones own. I wish every new entrants into new families, whether a guy or a gal realize this and accept and appreciate the spirit of their new families!
p.s do read this beautiful post!
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Those were the Orkutting days...
Orkut burst into the youth scene when I was in college. It was such a rage then. Getting an invite was next to impossible and we went around on man hunts looking for people with Orkut accounts! After getting an account, the initial thrill of making a swanky profile and joining communities was indescribable. For most of us, this was our first “website”… the first taste of “Freedom to publish”. It was like getting your very own room. You wanted to personalize it and make it as “you” as possible! And the only place that allowed that was the Profile page. And we were creative. Profiles were changed every week and it was really interesting to see the creativity and thoughts of even the most silent girls in class. People seem to get very eloquent given a Web space.
Soon the race was on as to who got the max Scraps. We would scrap each other with a “Wassup?” so that we would get a reply and hence increase our Scrap count! Childish thrills, but then we enjoyed it and had a lot of fun doing it. Scrapping was fast and furious during internships due to unlimited access to high speed Internet at work. And we made max use of this chance to Orkut. There were the umpteen “Friendship” and “Fraanship” requests too, but these were ignored and not deleted as they added to the Scrap count.
Some girls were bold. They would Scrap random strangers with a “Do I know you?” They would inevitably get a reply saying “No”. In turn they would reply with a “Sorry”. That would be three scraps added to the tally without much damage. Some would find guys/gals with similar Surnames and scrap “Nice to meet another Krishnan”. Sometimes they got a reply. And that would be an additional scrap added to the tally by scraping the bottom of Orkut barrel. :p
The most hilarious of the lot was the Secretaries of various associations in college. They would have a profile photo, in which they would be smiling gloriously and their Scraps informed us about upcoming fests and other College activities. What was hilarious was that the expression never changed even if they were giving a bad news like “Nina Pai’s father passed away yesterday. Let’s pray for his soul.”
Or a scrap like “Students union is observing a black day tomorrow to protest the proposed Dress Code by the management. Please show solidarity or be doomed to wear Salwars to college” in which the scrapper would be wearing a Salwar [:p].
We looked out for each other too. Putting photos in our group was a big ‘no-no’. Instead we put silly pictures to frustrate the Orkut account hoppers. Some of us got into trouble when random guys found out who we were and landed up at college and asked for us by names at the Reception. The resultant fracas made parents force their wards to delete their Orkut account. Many would sneak back with names like “Dumbellina” and “Malice in Blunderland”.
Unlike many girls, we soon learnt that hiding our real names was the best way to negotiate Orkut. Of course all of us knew who ‘Hot maal Cool gal’ was. It was an unwritten rule that we never revealed who was who. I don’t know why we took so much trouble in the first place. But like every other fad, Orkut too took some dedication and perseverance in following it.
Then came Blogspot and I was the first to leave Orkut. Blogger gave me more than a profile page to vent my creativity. It gave me an unlimited blank space to rant about just about anything.
I didn’t think twice about deleting my 13 k plus scraps account last year. The scraps were no big deal. Just “See you in college” to “Did you write the book review” to “Come down. Amma is calling you for dinner” (to my bro whose room is on the first floor of the house.)
With all my friends in Bangalore and on Gtalk and SMS, most of us have left Orkut. Some hold onto their accounts for sentimental reasons after deleting personal details.
But it was fun while it lasted. Besides Orkut taught us our very first lessons in Cyber prudence! Lessons well learnt and used in the increasingly Cyberised world of today. However more than that I will always remember Orkut for the fun times it gave all of us.
Thank you Orkut!
Soon the race was on as to who got the max Scraps. We would scrap each other with a “Wassup?” so that we would get a reply and hence increase our Scrap count! Childish thrills, but then we enjoyed it and had a lot of fun doing it. Scrapping was fast and furious during internships due to unlimited access to high speed Internet at work. And we made max use of this chance to Orkut. There were the umpteen “Friendship” and “Fraanship” requests too, but these were ignored and not deleted as they added to the Scrap count.
Some girls were bold. They would Scrap random strangers with a “Do I know you?” They would inevitably get a reply saying “No”. In turn they would reply with a “Sorry”. That would be three scraps added to the tally without much damage. Some would find guys/gals with similar Surnames and scrap “Nice to meet another Krishnan”. Sometimes they got a reply. And that would be an additional scrap added to the tally by scraping the bottom of Orkut barrel. :p
The most hilarious of the lot was the Secretaries of various associations in college. They would have a profile photo, in which they would be smiling gloriously and their Scraps informed us about upcoming fests and other College activities. What was hilarious was that the expression never changed even if they were giving a bad news like “Nina Pai’s father passed away yesterday. Let’s pray for his soul.”
Or a scrap like “Students union is observing a black day tomorrow to protest the proposed Dress Code by the management. Please show solidarity or be doomed to wear Salwars to college” in which the scrapper would be wearing a Salwar [:p].
We looked out for each other too. Putting photos in our group was a big ‘no-no’. Instead we put silly pictures to frustrate the Orkut account hoppers. Some of us got into trouble when random guys found out who we were and landed up at college and asked for us by names at the Reception. The resultant fracas made parents force their wards to delete their Orkut account. Many would sneak back with names like “Dumbellina” and “Malice in Blunderland”.
Unlike many girls, we soon learnt that hiding our real names was the best way to negotiate Orkut. Of course all of us knew who ‘Hot maal Cool gal’ was. It was an unwritten rule that we never revealed who was who. I don’t know why we took so much trouble in the first place. But like every other fad, Orkut too took some dedication and perseverance in following it.
Then came Blogspot and I was the first to leave Orkut. Blogger gave me more than a profile page to vent my creativity. It gave me an unlimited blank space to rant about just about anything.
I didn’t think twice about deleting my 13 k plus scraps account last year. The scraps were no big deal. Just “See you in college” to “Did you write the book review” to “Come down. Amma is calling you for dinner” (to my bro whose room is on the first floor of the house.)
With all my friends in Bangalore and on Gtalk and SMS, most of us have left Orkut. Some hold onto their accounts for sentimental reasons after deleting personal details.
But it was fun while it lasted. Besides Orkut taught us our very first lessons in Cyber prudence! Lessons well learnt and used in the increasingly Cyberised world of today. However more than that I will always remember Orkut for the fun times it gave all of us.
Thank you Orkut!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Road cancers
Hammy touched a sore spot…and no I am not talking about my recent hurt, but a larger and more painful sore that afflicts most Bengalureans, the Autorickshaw!!
My friend works at the Embassy Golf Links Business Park, a savvy name for an eye sore of an example of civil engineering. This place is tucked away in no mans land and there is actually no way out unless your office provides you transport or you have your own transport. BMTC buses are few and far between. And since only Call Centre employees get transport, the majority of people working here are in a vulnerable position if they don’t have their own transport. The place is too far away from everywhere to walk and that makes the wheel less people here sitting ducks for daylight and midnight and anytime robbery by autos.
Thousands of people that spew out of the 100 odd IT organizations here are stranded for hours for a lift home. A friend of mine waits two hours on the road so that after peak hour, autos will oblige her with a drop at thrice the amount of the meter fare. And as usual no one raises a voice and quietly puts up with the utter nonsense that is going on here. Autos wait in line but will refuse to take passengers for some weird reason and the Cabs that are supposed to drop employees do their first round of drops and then start freelancing and taking the multitudes teeming on the road pathetically for exorbitant fares. Why not join the party when it’s a free for all!!
What really riles me is that there is no initiative from anyone to rectify the situation at this place. The IT Park authorities have their office in one of the IBM buildings and I think people should do a dharna in front of their office to get them to see the light. Or better still when the collection man comes for the rent, Facility Managers should do some arm twisting to ensure that some sort of shuttle service is introduced to at least get people out of this no mans land to midtown from where they have a better chance of getting a lift home!
What bothers me more is that no one seems to rein in the Autos. And the recent fare hike (on the pretext of Petro price hike) that the government acquiesced to, even though Autos run on LPG is a stark reminder of the fact that there is no one up there in the seats of power looking out for the common man and or the common man remains a mute spectator like in R K Laxmans cartoons.
My friend works at the Embassy Golf Links Business Park, a savvy name for an eye sore of an example of civil engineering. This place is tucked away in no mans land and there is actually no way out unless your office provides you transport or you have your own transport. BMTC buses are few and far between. And since only Call Centre employees get transport, the majority of people working here are in a vulnerable position if they don’t have their own transport. The place is too far away from everywhere to walk and that makes the wheel less people here sitting ducks for daylight and midnight and anytime robbery by autos.
Thousands of people that spew out of the 100 odd IT organizations here are stranded for hours for a lift home. A friend of mine waits two hours on the road so that after peak hour, autos will oblige her with a drop at thrice the amount of the meter fare. And as usual no one raises a voice and quietly puts up with the utter nonsense that is going on here. Autos wait in line but will refuse to take passengers for some weird reason and the Cabs that are supposed to drop employees do their first round of drops and then start freelancing and taking the multitudes teeming on the road pathetically for exorbitant fares. Why not join the party when it’s a free for all!!
What really riles me is that there is no initiative from anyone to rectify the situation at this place. The IT Park authorities have their office in one of the IBM buildings and I think people should do a dharna in front of their office to get them to see the light. Or better still when the collection man comes for the rent, Facility Managers should do some arm twisting to ensure that some sort of shuttle service is introduced to at least get people out of this no mans land to midtown from where they have a better chance of getting a lift home!
What bothers me more is that no one seems to rein in the Autos. And the recent fare hike (on the pretext of Petro price hike) that the government acquiesced to, even though Autos run on LPG is a stark reminder of the fact that there is no one up there in the seats of power looking out for the common man and or the common man remains a mute spectator like in R K Laxmans cartoons.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Basic social etiquettes
Last year I was doing this project at this typical IT Company. I had befriended a punju colleague and the two of us are good friends to this day. This gal was expecting her first baby. One day she called me on my extension. She was almost crying because she was unable to use the Rest Room as it was almost always filthy and waiting for the Housekeeping to come and clean it up was impossible for her in her condition. I told her to come down to the marketing floor i.e my floor and use our toilet. I was the only female on this floor and hence the ladies toilet was always clean. Since then she climbed down the flight of stairs to use the toilet.
I suggested to the Facility Manager to put up a Toilet Usage Instruction boards on the toilet walls, like I have seen in my IT companies. But he was helpless due to some corporate policies. The HR manager then suggested that I take the initiative as that would be permitted. So I took some A4 size printouts detailing step by step on how to use the toilet and leave it clean and dry for the next user and gave it to the Housekeeping staff to stick it where it will be noticed, i.e right in front of your eyes when you use the loo. The small act was a success and people actually learnt to use the Rest Room the proper way. Periodic reminder when somebody slipped up was done by the employees committee and we had peace since then.
I remember going to this company in ITPL with a couple of friends to give a surprise birthday lunch to one of my classmates interning there. While we waited at the Reception for her to come out, we saw the Receptionists getting all hot and bothered about the rest rooms not being clean. The reason? Interviews were going on and the large crowd gathered there had made the rest room worse than public toilets.
Go to any company today, and toilet usage instructions are pasted to the walls, because most of us do not know how to respect a public facility like a toilet, inspite of working at top jobs in swanky buildings. And it is not just the small towners but anyone can be guilty of the same. In fact “toilet tensions” are recorded everywhere and right now many a Corporate Communications Team are putting batches of fresher through its paces which include rest room hygiene.
Why are we like this? We are all bought up in good homes. We are all particular about our home rest rooms. Why can’t we use a public toilet the way we use our own back home? What’s the point of all this degrees and doctorates when we are unable to come out of our narrow confines and act like members of a society and respect other people and common facilities as our own?!
I suggested to the Facility Manager to put up a Toilet Usage Instruction boards on the toilet walls, like I have seen in my IT companies. But he was helpless due to some corporate policies. The HR manager then suggested that I take the initiative as that would be permitted. So I took some A4 size printouts detailing step by step on how to use the toilet and leave it clean and dry for the next user and gave it to the Housekeeping staff to stick it where it will be noticed, i.e right in front of your eyes when you use the loo. The small act was a success and people actually learnt to use the Rest Room the proper way. Periodic reminder when somebody slipped up was done by the employees committee and we had peace since then.
I remember going to this company in ITPL with a couple of friends to give a surprise birthday lunch to one of my classmates interning there. While we waited at the Reception for her to come out, we saw the Receptionists getting all hot and bothered about the rest rooms not being clean. The reason? Interviews were going on and the large crowd gathered there had made the rest room worse than public toilets.
Go to any company today, and toilet usage instructions are pasted to the walls, because most of us do not know how to respect a public facility like a toilet, inspite of working at top jobs in swanky buildings. And it is not just the small towners but anyone can be guilty of the same. In fact “toilet tensions” are recorded everywhere and right now many a Corporate Communications Team are putting batches of fresher through its paces which include rest room hygiene.
Why are we like this? We are all bought up in good homes. We are all particular about our home rest rooms. Why can’t we use a public toilet the way we use our own back home? What’s the point of all this degrees and doctorates when we are unable to come out of our narrow confines and act like members of a society and respect other people and common facilities as our own?!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The wedding juggernaut
I was watching some Malayalam channels after a long time, because DD Malayalam, the only Malayalam channel I watch if I do watch TV, has stopped airing for a few days. It was an interesting visual experience. Gold advertisements dot the programmes at regular intervals and the jewelery they showcase are exquisite in its design and intricacy. Truly charming. But the regularity of these ads and their opulence leaves you slightly sick, like when you have eaten a bit too many sweets. It was the same sick feeling I had when I attended weddings last Christmas season. And what particularly made me sick was the bridal trousseau!
I understand the need of a bride to look resplendent on her wedding day. But does anybody care other than the family of the couple? And going bankrupt or spending lavishly for a couple of hours is plain wastage unless you are rolling in money. But then I am not talking of that class of people here.
Most of the weddings I attended looked like it took some preparation to get off the ground. The bridal sarees were beautiful. But I wondered what the bride would do with the material after the wedding. My moms wedding saree still hangs in the hangar, as it is white and hence quite useless. She hangs on to it for sentimental reason. Fortunately when she got married, designer Christian wedding sarees were unheard of and she settled for a Benaras silk saree as it was the only material in which you got white sarees in the eighties.
The gold that the brides wore at these weddings would have perked up the sales graph of a dozen Jewelers, steeply towards the north side. Again I couldn’t help but wonder what she would do with it! Live in paranoia for the rest of her life and then hire a bank locker to keep it safe?! And the ones she would use would be the simpler pieces as the extravagant pieces are suitable only if you are a bride and would look silly at weddings or parties outside Kerala.
The number of ads tell a sordid story of entrapment though aggrandizement and mesmeric bondage in the name of tradition. The jewelery houses keep the buying frenzy at cruise control through advertisements upon advertisements that ensure that no sales deceleration happens...ever.
And the race thus created only ensures losers...while the winners i.e the jewelers in case anyone has a doubt, laugh all the way to their foreign banks.
When will the ordinary Keralite wake up and say that this is enough! This is stupid! Lets cut the chase and be the smarter for it???
One refreshing wedding I attended was my cousin sisters. She and her fiancé jointly shouldered the wedding expenses and kept spending to the necessary minimum. All accoutrement at the wedding were reusable and the guest list restricted to the really close or completely unavoidable relations. The wedding raised quite a few eyebrows and finally a grudging and envied acceptance that this was indeed the way to go.
Way to go Neel chechi and Jose chetan!!!
Something has to give. And soon. Or the wedding juggernaut will eventually flatten us as a people and as a culture.
I understand the need of a bride to look resplendent on her wedding day. But does anybody care other than the family of the couple? And going bankrupt or spending lavishly for a couple of hours is plain wastage unless you are rolling in money. But then I am not talking of that class of people here.
Most of the weddings I attended looked like it took some preparation to get off the ground. The bridal sarees were beautiful. But I wondered what the bride would do with the material after the wedding. My moms wedding saree still hangs in the hangar, as it is white and hence quite useless. She hangs on to it for sentimental reason. Fortunately when she got married, designer Christian wedding sarees were unheard of and she settled for a Benaras silk saree as it was the only material in which you got white sarees in the eighties.
The gold that the brides wore at these weddings would have perked up the sales graph of a dozen Jewelers, steeply towards the north side. Again I couldn’t help but wonder what she would do with it! Live in paranoia for the rest of her life and then hire a bank locker to keep it safe?! And the ones she would use would be the simpler pieces as the extravagant pieces are suitable only if you are a bride and would look silly at weddings or parties outside Kerala.
The number of ads tell a sordid story of entrapment though aggrandizement and mesmeric bondage in the name of tradition. The jewelery houses keep the buying frenzy at cruise control through advertisements upon advertisements that ensure that no sales deceleration happens...ever.
And the race thus created only ensures losers...while the winners i.e the jewelers in case anyone has a doubt, laugh all the way to their foreign banks.
When will the ordinary Keralite wake up and say that this is enough! This is stupid! Lets cut the chase and be the smarter for it???
One refreshing wedding I attended was my cousin sisters. She and her fiancé jointly shouldered the wedding expenses and kept spending to the necessary minimum. All accoutrement at the wedding were reusable and the guest list restricted to the really close or completely unavoidable relations. The wedding raised quite a few eyebrows and finally a grudging and envied acceptance that this was indeed the way to go.
Way to go Neel chechi and Jose chetan!!!
Something has to give. And soon. Or the wedding juggernaut will eventually flatten us as a people and as a culture.
Friday, January 11, 2008
The gender (dis) connection
Sorry friends for not posting so long here at TP. The holiday mood lingers and working from home has not helped. I am mentally still in the Christmas Season 2007. But then issues and lives go on and a chance meeting with a friend at the Forum yesterday, bought me back to reality quicker than a trip to office.
R is a premier B School alumni, mallu and in his late twenties. R is still not married even though he is a hot pick with his credentials. I remember teasing him with a gal in my office, who had a crush on him and instead of blushing he replied gravely that romance was out of the question for him. A long chat over coffee and he told me things which I was beginning to notice around me anyways. The dilemma of the well read, well traveled or just plain old modern mallu man. The dilemma of not having much of a choice in mallu women of the same ilk, who can make decent conversation or are simply, cool company to hang out with.
This post might offend some. But then when I started writing TP, I knew that I wasn’t going to make many friends here anyways.
R has no dearth of good proposals. Smart, highly educated and good looking girls, but as he mournfully asked me, what would he do with them? What he meant was, what would they be as a couple after a couple of years of marriage? Just another couple who will coochie coo in the initial years, then settle down to work and due to lack of a common interest or inability to communicate on issues other than domestic or work matters, fall silent in front of the TV. Or if there are kids, go through the routine of the daily grind, the kids grind and life!
R is not alone. I know quite a few such guys, who push their luck “one more year” hoping their parents will come up with someone interesting or they will find someone on their own. Then they resign themselves to an arranged marriage with the best among the list of proposed brides, a type of marriage they were hoping to avoid.
I remember D, another guy in a similar situation. He finally settled for an arranged marriage as age started piling on. He is married to an extremely nice girl. He is happy, “not ecstatic” as he told another close friend when she bumped into him the other day. But then he hoped that he didn’t have to go out of the house to find stimulating conversation with friends. He hoped he could have a decent conversation with his wife on matters like politics or sports or anything else under the sun. He hoped he had a friend and less of a “wife” in the traditional sense of the word.
This is of course, a small percentage of the mallu male population. Most men are quite happy with a well educated and or well dowried gal. And they are content with the same.
I guess guys these days, at least a small percentage and a growing percentage of guys I am told, want more than the homely, God fearing gal who can cook and clean and has a professional degree to boot. These guys are looking for people on the same mental wave length and sadly, for many, the search will lead to nowhere. Our society has seen to that most girls are brought up conservatively and the freedoms given to guys ensure that the exposure and growth of the male and female of the species are skewed. Ironic that people who have to live together are brought up so differently to the point of incompatibility.
Guess this is the wake up call for parents of daughters. But are they listening?
R is a premier B School alumni, mallu and in his late twenties. R is still not married even though he is a hot pick with his credentials. I remember teasing him with a gal in my office, who had a crush on him and instead of blushing he replied gravely that romance was out of the question for him. A long chat over coffee and he told me things which I was beginning to notice around me anyways. The dilemma of the well read, well traveled or just plain old modern mallu man. The dilemma of not having much of a choice in mallu women of the same ilk, who can make decent conversation or are simply, cool company to hang out with.
This post might offend some. But then when I started writing TP, I knew that I wasn’t going to make many friends here anyways.
R has no dearth of good proposals. Smart, highly educated and good looking girls, but as he mournfully asked me, what would he do with them? What he meant was, what would they be as a couple after a couple of years of marriage? Just another couple who will coochie coo in the initial years, then settle down to work and due to lack of a common interest or inability to communicate on issues other than domestic or work matters, fall silent in front of the TV. Or if there are kids, go through the routine of the daily grind, the kids grind and life!
R is not alone. I know quite a few such guys, who push their luck “one more year” hoping their parents will come up with someone interesting or they will find someone on their own. Then they resign themselves to an arranged marriage with the best among the list of proposed brides, a type of marriage they were hoping to avoid.
I remember D, another guy in a similar situation. He finally settled for an arranged marriage as age started piling on. He is married to an extremely nice girl. He is happy, “not ecstatic” as he told another close friend when she bumped into him the other day. But then he hoped that he didn’t have to go out of the house to find stimulating conversation with friends. He hoped he could have a decent conversation with his wife on matters like politics or sports or anything else under the sun. He hoped he had a friend and less of a “wife” in the traditional sense of the word.
This is of course, a small percentage of the mallu male population. Most men are quite happy with a well educated and or well dowried gal. And they are content with the same.
I guess guys these days, at least a small percentage and a growing percentage of guys I am told, want more than the homely, God fearing gal who can cook and clean and has a professional degree to boot. These guys are looking for people on the same mental wave length and sadly, for many, the search will lead to nowhere. Our society has seen to that most girls are brought up conservatively and the freedoms given to guys ensure that the exposure and growth of the male and female of the species are skewed. Ironic that people who have to live together are brought up so differently to the point of incompatibility.
Guess this is the wake up call for parents of daughters. But are they listening?
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Hajmola please!!
Good Performance Appraisal = Hike in Salary - Sum spent treating colleagues and friends for the hike, wherein the Sum was the sum total of the hiked salary for an entire year.
hmm does anyone notice the irony in this or is it only me?
hmm does anyone notice the irony in this or is it only me?
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