Sunday, October 07, 2007

White pawns

I got back last Friday after a blissful one week in sandy, green and cloudy Goa. The occasion was a close friends wedding. On getting back I was told that my cousin brother George had got married in the US. George is a Surgeon and is practicing in one of the leading US hospitals.

Today George dropped in with his foreign wife. The look of horror on my parents face would have been side splittingly funny if it had not been the shock I myself experienced when I beheld George's bride. She was close to 300 pounds heavy and one could hardly make out her features beneath the double chin and layers of fat all over.

This post is not about foreign wives but about Indian men and their double standards. George is one such example of Indian men I have seen and met who were so fussy when it came to marrying an Indian woman. They were particular about dowry, color, family status, weight, religious division etc etc etc. Yet when they married a foreign woman, mostly due to Green Card considerations, such specs’ vanished into thin air!!

Now I have nothing against anyone marrying anyone…but when I see these foreign brides I wonder if they know the realities of their Indian hubbies and how these men would have cringed at the thought of marrying an obese Indian woman!! And I feel bad for these girls. I feel bad because they are being used and because they are married to double faced men…men who have a different reality for them and another for the Indian women.

11 comments:

Fleiger said...

From what I have seen, these visa "compromise" is not an issue limited to Indian men (and Indian women, either). In fact, often it is done with the consent of both parties.

But then, are you sure this was not a case of real love? After all, what we want and what we love are two different things ;)

silverine said...

Fleiger: It could be real love I agree, but would Indian men fall in love with a a 300 pound Indian woman?

mathew said...

I guess marrying a 6 foot blonde typically causes a argument that the Indian men doesn’t go beyond looks... ;-P
Moreover I cannot think someone in real sense will marry just for the sake of a green card!! Probably he might be really in love with her… :-)

Guess there is much more than that...Looking back home we see a huge trend where Mala-yalee Nurses working abroad are considered the best bet in the ‘great Kerala marriage mar-ket’…Card holding Malayalee Nurses don’t come under the purviews of these specs as well...They call the shots in the marriage unlike tradition where it used be men who came up with all specs…The marriage is usually a marriage of convenience where the groom will stay with the nurse under expenses until he finds a job there…As a offshoot you can see a history of such men falling into “prestige”-related alcoholism or psychological problems being a sec-ond fiddle at home which most men find hard to digest…(Not many really address this prob-lem most often classified as one-off incidents)

Check this article:- http://www.urmila.de/UDG/Forschung/texte/encyclopedia.html

ap said...

I had come across such a guy ...he wanted to get a German citizenship,so he married a german girl and stayed with her for 5 years or something...(he was telling he had slept with several beautiful dames ,but none were interested in marriage...so he had to settle for an ugly one!!!!!!)

After obtaining the citizenship ,this guy promptly divorced her and came back to India and married a Punjabi girl!!!!

Just imagine his guts(this is not the correct word),telling us this story in our first meeting and then inviting all of us to his home!!!!!!!!

Fleiger said...

Well, you can never tell what form your true love takes. Now how do you feel about true love? ;D

But seriously, it is highly possible that this is done with the knowledge of both, and both get something they want out of this marriage.

Archie said...

A friend of mine had married a Canadian girl, primarily for the sake of citizenship. The fact was known to both parties. We couldn't fathom why the girl would agree to such an arrangement. All of us liked her when we met her and were rather sorry for her. But things have worked out well for them and when I last spoke to my friend he sounded very much in love with his "wife"

Alexis said...

May be being fat is the new trend. I hope it is, as my market value will go up :-)

But I know several people, both men and women who married for getting something (like CG, Citizenship, etc) and then promptly got divorced after getting what they wanted. That is called arranged marriage.

Anonymous said...

Not sure if this is solely driven by green card considerations, or if this has something to do with guys having lack of foresight and thinking ability. I live in NY and in more than one occasion I have seen indian guys with a white wife and most cases those women are well lets say more mature and healthy than the indian guy. Once i saw an indian guy with a white wife/gf (who was atleast 15 years older) and her white kid (from a previous marriage obviously). Not to be prejudiced, but somethings wrong with guys here. It is unlikely that a white blonde who have many better options marry an indian fob guy. So the ones that they end up with are mostly the less desirables. And all said, a white american is as conservative as anyone else when it comes to issues like marriage. Net net someone should guide these guys on how to pick a decent mate before they board the ship to here.

silverine said...

mathew: I guess you haven't seen many of these American marriages. I have :)

AP: Such men spoil the name of immigrants!!

fleiger: If it is love, it is usually evident. Most of the time it is settling for second best. I think Anon summed it up best.

Archie: Thats nice to hear :)

Alexis: lol!! You will be hot property soon if it is the latest trend :)

Anon: You got the gist of the post. Thanks for that informed comment. That is exactly what I was trying to say :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks, I have seen many such guys..one of them even had the audacity to make out with his 40 year old whatever in a subway train.!!its just that the lack of options and experience back home makes them decide on choices that are fundamentally flawed. My two cents - dating should be made compulsory post high school, at least by the time one is in their mid twenties, they know exactly what they are looking for.

M

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

Perverts??
Yes.
Hypocrites???
Yes, that too.