So I got promoted to a Manager. Normally I would have felt proud of this achievement. But I felt nothing when I got the mail from Big Boss informing me of my promotion. I managed a smile as he shook hands and offered me his congratulations.
I am now the Manager of the team I led for little under a year now. I was an Assistant Manager then to this team comprising of three girls and a guy, all elder to me by a couple of years. But then, my Boss was the Big Boss of the team. As his Assistant Manager I was informally the Manager of the team.
I grew up with this team. I recruited all of them when I first joined here. They are the best team on earth who have adjusted to my fast pace of working and the whole team sort of gelled into one unit with me being just a subtle leader in the sense of escalations and taking certain decisions.
We had fun. We worked hard, we partied hard, we laughed hard, we bitched about the big bosses hard and cried hard when we had a disaster.
Today all that seems to be gone. The moment I got my promoton letter it was like I had been wrenched away from a circle of friends.
When I see their names under mine on the Intranet, I feel sad. Just a few days ago my name was with theirs under the Big Boss's name.
When I got access to their appraisal page on the Intranet I felt like a back biter. When I got access to their Salary page I feel like an snooper.
I dont want to do this. I want the old carefree days back when Big Boss did the dirty job while I was the good girl, the fun team lead.
I hate the fact that I might now be the butt of "bad manager" jokes that I so specialised in till just a few days ago. I hate the fact that when I walk into a group, there might be an awkward silence as people suddenly stop talking. I hate the fact that I will get the full impact of disappointments when a salary hike in not upto expected standards. I hate the fact that I might be shut out of the world I was part of just a few days ago!
I hate being on the other side!!!