Sunday, September 23, 2007

Weight loss made easy

Weight loss clinics are mushrooming everywhere in Bengaloooru. Guess the prosperity of the Benaglooru janagalu has gone to their waist, hips, thighs etc. with a vengeance. You get clinics with fancy names like ‘VLCC’ and ‘Inspiration’ and downright sleazy monikers like ‘Ritu’s Massage cum Weight Loss Clinic’ (Not sure if the Pun is intended or not) Whatever be their name or location or Interior Decoration, they all promise to melt down that fat in a jiffy, leaving you with bods that will make a Stick Insect go green with envy.

I was passing by one of these “Weight Loss” clinics the other day. A large banner behind an anorexic mannequin showcased several success stories. The 6 foot mannequin was made of about approximately 500 gms of plastic I think. So you can imagine how anorexic it looked. If Kate Moss were to pass this way, she would probably pass out in sheer jealousy.

The banner showcased several case studies. There was the photo of one Mrs Aggarwal. Fat, jovial and kinda nice and homely looking, sitting and smiling at the camera under the "Before" caption. She looked dignified in the silk saree, mangal sutra and large bindi.

And then there was the same Mrs Aggarwal standing in a very coquettish pose, around 200 pounds less and leaning on a chair showing her cleavage. Her head was thrown back and a leg folded up showing off her 8 inch spiky stilettos. This was under the “After" caption. Her body looked vaguely familiar. Then it struck me that this was body of Kareena Kapoor playing host to the rather comely face of Mrs Aggarwal. Mrs Aggarwals face was neatly grafted onto Kareena's body with the help of Adobe Photoshop!

While the slim body of Mrs Aggarwal seems to cry out "Look at me baby, I am so hot!!" her face seemed to say "Arey munnu ke papa, ration ki dukaan jaana math bhoolna!" Very unnerving I tell you.

Anyways this just goes to show that weight loss clinics are not threat to our culture. Beneath that sexy bod, Mrs Aggarwal is still the same pati vrata nari.

I wonder what they did with Kareena's head. Served it on a platter on Shakeela's torso elsewhere? I shudder to think of the consequences.

And I wonder what Mr Aggarwal said when he saw his brand new wife? I don’t think he said anything. But I am sure Munnu got himself a brand new sibling and Mrs Aggarwal was back to the clinic. What a vicious vicious circle *sigh*

Then there was the photo of a gentleman named Mr Menon. Mr Menon was fat with a huge belly and looked like he was pregnant with several kegs of beer. This photo was under the "before" caption. Under the "After" caption, Mr Menon had shrunk considerably and looked like a desi Brad Pitt. I had that feeling of déjà vu again. I had seen that bod somewhere. Then it struck me that it was John Abraham’s bod!! I can recognize that bod anywhere!!!

I wonder what they did with John’s head. Shift + Delete? *sob*

If the makers of Adobe Photoshop got a penny for every “Before” and “After” advertisement made by these weight loss clinics, they can shut shop and live on the proceeds for the rest of their lives!!

18 comments:

mathew said...

superb dig.. and that too there when we have a silverine miracle diet(If others donno u know how SRK got that 6 pack abs)..;-P

seriously some of the snaps they put up are ROTFL stuff..u almost pity at the person who is made to look like a buffoon in all of em..

Fleiger said...

So this must be the (bash the) weight loss week, what with Kusum's post and now yours ;)

I will comment on the rest of the post, but

I can recognize that bod anywhere!!!

this line hides at least a post (or a tag) in itself for sure.

Rockus said...

I wonder what they did with Kareen'as head. Served it on a platter on Shakeela's torso elsewhere? I shudder to think of the consequences.
Me too!

Great Read!

rebel said...

u know wats worse... 'Pay for 10kgs and get 5 kgs free!' lol...

Anonymous said...

Hell!!! and I thought violence does not occure in India! Well the violence in my country and bribery is a walk in the park!!

ap said...

Now we know how bips and john split!!!!!

ap said...

Now we know why bips and john split!!!!!

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

I did visit one of these clinic's and from what i hear from them and the photo album they had with them the treatment sounded to be very effective. I just went in for sheer fun and thanks to my 90+ kgs i can walk in to any of these clinic's without trouble. All the people in the before pic looked like Nutty Prof and the lines written were lifted straight off from the self help books! Lines like "I felt so confident" or "My dad didn't recognise me after he came for vacation". I just didn't knw wat to make of all this.

But one thing is that its hard not to notice the cuties they employ in the reception desk. I wish i had the money just to enrol and chk out all the beauties ther! Forgot to mention, i too got the pay for 10 and get 3 kg free offer!

Annie said...

lol!

The icing on the cake was an ad saying that they do not morph pictures and that their models were actual people :-p

silverine said...

Mathew: Thank you for your continued faith in the Silverine Miracle diet! I heave a sigh of relief when I see Abhi commenting. :P
And those ads are seriously rotfl material, especially the TV ads for those weight loss teas and tabs. The dead pan models who wipe away the artificial tears as they describe their "before" period is absolutely howlarious!!

fleiger: Awaiting that post :)

rockus: Thank you :)

rebel: Lol!!!

Anon: Where do you work? in Bihar? :p

AP: :p

Abhi: That is the first positive feedback I have got about those clinics :))

Annie: That has to be a height!! LOL!!

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

Once at a party, they had these life-size cut-outs with a hole-where-the-head-was , and a guy with a polaroid camera clicking your picture after you put your head in the hole.
I had mine clicked with an arnold cutout, complete with six peice abs, guns and all.
Now that hangs on my bathroom door.
For me it's inspiration, for the rest of the world it is a sign tha reads "Noise hazard area. hearing protection must be worn"

Fleiger said...

Given that the "bod" belongs to John Abraham, and you started the talk, I am pretty sure the post should be coming from you.

Believe me, you don't want a post from me saying what a post from you on the subject would say.

J said...

Hehehehe.... :P

Anonymous said...

hahaha

Is there any cure for an unnatural appetite for your posts? ;-)

silverine said...

toothless wonder: I think Arnie would be scandalized if he only knew!! :))

fleiger: Now you are giving me ideas for the next post :p

J: :)

Anon: Thank you :)

Di said...

Shift+Delete Johns head!! God Forbid! :O

nasia said...

IS THAT ADOBE FOTOSHOP.. WILL I NEVER BE THIN AGAIN!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

While the slim body of Mrs Aggarwal seems to cry out "Look at me baby, I am so hot!!" her face seemed to say "Arey munnu ke papa, ration ki dukaan jaana math bhoolna!" Very unnerving I tell you.

And I wonder what Mr Aggarwal said when he saw his brand new wife? I don’t think he said anything. But I am sure Munnu got himself a brand new sibling and Mrs Aggarwal was back to the clinic. What a vicious vicious circle *sigh*


^:)^