Thursday, May 05, 2011

Dummies guide to social acceptability

I have often been told by “some” mallu guys from Kerala that non mallu girls shy away from them. In fact it is so bad that even NRK girls don’t want anything to do with them unless forced to marry one by their parents. After studying the phenomenon for some time, I can give a few tips that might make “some” of you mallu studs from Kerala, a little more acceptable to the gals…even if it is only in friendship. Of course the majority of you can ignore the post. This post is for a select crowd only. You can see them hanging out at Brigade Road on weekends, talking loudly and discussing the ladies assets as they pass by.

1. When you leave the borders of Kerala, remember you are no more in Kerala. You are entering an alien land, where people live and interact very differently from what you are used to. Look around you and take at look at the way guys your age behave. You could learn a lot.

2. When you see a girl on the road or in the mall, she is here for shopping for necessary stuff. This is not a secret code that she is easy and available. She is dead serious about shopping.

3. When you see ladies going for early morning or late evening walks, they are obeying their doctor orders to walk their way to good health, or generally because they are conscious about the need to maintain a good fitness regimen for the sake of their health. They are not wanton women looking for an affair with young men by walking in front of their homes. Roads in the rest of India go past people’s homes, so it is natural that they have to walk past your building.

4. Hanging out at Brigade Road is cool. Remember the rest of the young crowd also think the same. That includes girls. These girls are not hanging out because they want attention from guys. It is a ritual in other parts of India for girls to go shopping with friends.

5. When a girl at work comes and says “Hi” she is being courteous. Just as she is courteous to the hundreds of guys at the office. She is not to my knowledge saying “I am interested in you.”

6. When a girl adds you to her email forward list it means she wants to share some nice forwards with you. This is not a secret code that says. “I am in love with you and these forwards are my love missiles towards you.” Take a look at the people the email is forwarded to and you will realize that you are one among the many recipients. If you are in BCC, it means she values the privacy of the recipients. It does not mean you are the only recipient.

7. When you see a girl, remember that she is visible to other guys too. So she may be a little surprised that you consider sighting her as an automatic claim to her person. So please don’t be miffed if she doesn’t understand that you can lay claim to her.

8. Married ladies and middle aged ladies are not pining for your attention when they go shopping alone. They prefer to shop alone or with friends because their husbands are not interested in shopping.

9. Girls will generally refuse your expression of interest because they have something called “rights”. A right can be described as the freedom under the law to say “no” to random guys who think they are the best thing to happen to her.

10. Friendship between guys and gals exist. Just look around.

11. Groups of guys and gals in the office going for lunch, movie etc is due to a phenomenon called “friendship”. It is an extension of college life they left behind. They do not end up in each other’s apartments in orgies. They lead boring lives. Please do not look at them and giggle and poke each other or expect the girls to come out with you too.

12. Stalking a girl will not make her fall in love with you. She will go to the police or HR. It is a perfectly normal thing to do and she is by no means being disrespectful of you or challenging your manhood.

13. Don’t get upset by the girl’s total lack of interest in guys. It is normal. They are happy being just girls till the right guy comes along. Till then they will be engrossed in chatting, shopping, movies, hanging-out together etc. This is normal and you don’t need to intervene to put some romance in their life.

14. A girl will meet and find a guy she likes eventually, or she will get married to a guy her parents chose. It may seem unbelievable but it is the truth. So chill and get a life. Your intervention is not necessary.

15. If you talk loudly people will look at you. It is natural for people to think there is something wrong when someone shouts. It does not mean they are looking at you in admiration due to your ability to produce high decibels of sounds. God promise!

16. A girl dresses up in certain ways because it is her style statement. A style statement is an extension of her personality. It has nothing to do with guys. It may seem unbelievable, but it is the truth. And no, she is not a lesbian because she is not interested in guys she is not interested in.

17. It is perfectly natural for a girl to sit next to you in the bus. She considers you just another passenger. It is definitely not a cue that she wants to be groped.

18. It is also perfectly normal for girls to be seen in the company of guys who are not their boyfriends. It does not mean the girls will go out with you too. These are friends out for a meal together in a city where there is nothing else to do. They will go their separate ways after the movie, meal, game of cards etc.

19. When a girl says “no”. She actually means it.

20. If you can look at a girl like a friend who is of the opposite gender who will never be romantically interested in you, you will be respected and befriended.


Mélange said...

You deserve a 100 out of 100 for this Anjali.Terrific you !

Ratzzz said...

totally agree!! wishing guys would understand this irrespective of where they hail from :|

Debanish said...

very funny :p

CarbonMonoxide said...

I won't say great post. Because its stating the obvious. No amount of worldly advice given will cure that lack of knowledge that parents fail to impart :)

The sum total of Keralite culture needs to relax a bit, let the youngsters mix, teach how to respect women and make them read them Vaikkom Muhammad Basheer's books.

Other than that, don't hope for much.

Neil Joseph said...

Nice dig at our pure mallu brethren :-P I have hung out with some of these PM's and I must say your post is pretty accurate.

Anonymous said...

so true !!!

Anonymous said...

Well said, my dear.

Shrutz said...

Thank you :)

ousu said...

Anjali @ first time here..interesting post.. but don't you think not every guy standing at the brigades, wonder struck staring at some members of the fairer sex and their so called 'assets' is a mallu.. a lot others do as well..

another thing is, many a time women fail to say the 'no' loud and clear..i am not talking about the stalkers, but the colleague who is being too friendly. women many a time never says 'no', they beat about the bush, try ignore, try avoid, do a lot other things, but never actually say "please keep your distance". Maybe this one sentence would have been the end of all the future advances, but instead, she will talk about the troubles because of 'him' to her friend in the washroom and cry over, but the phone calls or the flirting still carries on..
can't blame the men for all the mishaps that women face when surrounded by men..few times, the mishap occur coz the women didn't object or maybe even invited it by her silence..

Anoop G said...

Interesting post...

Its very difficult to practise though..:)

silverine said...

Melange: Thank you! :)

Ratzz: I hope so too :)

Debanush: Thank you :)

CarbonMonoxide: I have to agree with your observation on Kerala parents.

Neil: Another Fraud Mallu yeah! Welcome here :)

Anons at 3:40 and 1:40: Thank you :)

Shrutz: Somebody had to spell it out :)

Ousu: I agree that all the guys standing at BG Road are not malus. But the mallus stand out for their vulgar comments. And in the rest of the country, girls are very vocal when telling guys to eff off.

Anoop: Yes it will be difficult when you come from a place where this is a culture.

AS said...


a very relevant and interesting post indeed. I cant agree more with the BCC (mail fwd) point and with the last point :)

viSHwAmiTHraN said...

brain opener for the many so called wide minded mallus..i included! :)

Priyankari said...

:) Nicely put. Liked it.

Priyankari said...

:) Nice post. Liked it.

Anonymous said...

This could as well be an Indian guy's guide for being abroad.. Except for one small correction:

*-They do not end up in each other’s apartments in orgies.

Sometimes, in certain circumstances, in college or afterwards, orgies do happen.

Anusha Subramanian said...

these pointers could be used as a guide for all Indian men! Such a sensible post