Friday, March 27, 2009

The eyes of the beholder!

In high school we had a classmate with a mousy looking face, dark complexion and she wore glasses too. Definitely not a girl anyone looked at twice. Her younger sister on the other hand was quite good looking. So it was with shock I heard that guys found her hot! Another classmate confirmed that even her brothers friends found this gal quite a catch. That one incident taught me a valuable lesson. That what we girls thought was beauty was not necessarily endorsed by guys. Though stars like an Aishwarya is acknowledged to be a beauty by both guys and girls, rarely do guys and gals agree on the looks of another girl. I have found absolutely horrible looking girls looked upon as good looking by guys. Though me and my friends still agree on the look or lack of it on other girls, we have always acknowledged that what we find plain or ugly is our viewpoint only. Guys have a different rule book for judging looks. The revelation was humbling. It dispelled some lofty and snooty notions we had as school girls and bought us down to earth with a thud.

Weddings were another revelation. We found really good looking guys choosing jaw droppingly ugly girls as wives. Many of the brides were plump!! It is a common sight to see female heads shake in bewilderment at wedding receptions :) Another humbling moment as we realized that the status quo amongst us girls was a no go amongst guys! If we had any sense we had better get plump or look like the girls on the podium if we were to be acknowledged as attractive by guys. :p That would never happen of course. But then we have become less condescending of girls who look plain in our eyes. We know that our view is not universally acknowledged.

I don’t know if this happens with guys too. I wonder if they find guys that we gals find cute or smart as horrible looking or unmanly...hmmm

Having acknowledged to what I have in this post I have to admit that this revelation still doesn’t prevent us girls from looking at each other in absolute shock when we are introduced to a smart/good looking guy’s wife, girlfriend or fiancĂ© for the first time! :))

Music - Mercy


Vivek Venugopal said...

LOL !!! probably another contradiction to the title "Opposites attract" :P

Amal Bose said...

these things are definetly upto the person concerned.. everyone may not get it..
n beauty isnt everything, is it?? there are lot of other features that guys look for in girls and looks is just one among them..

regarding girls, i should ask "What the hell was Heidi Klum thinking???"

scorpiogenius said...

Pretty insightful, did u feel so?;)

when I was in college we guys had a discussion on the girls in our class whom we'd marry without a second thought. And also whom we'd not marry even if we had a gun pointed at our head. Guess what, there were 2 girls we all would've loved to own but surprisingly they were not the most beautiful or the most friendly. And some of the well known 'beauties' fell in the latter category.

I wasn't too much surprised by the result but I never realized that no one ever wanted to marry the best looking girl. ;) Perhaps when we are 18 or 19 we'd look that way but your views change radically in 3-4 years time. :)

thomman said...

Well, in my perspective there are
certain factors that attracts one
to a girl. I can say that this
girl is beautiful and still not
get attracted to her. What I mean
is just being beautiful doesn't
mean one wants to be with her, of
course a thing of beauty is a joy
for ever, so she'll be a feast for
the eyes. ;) I'm sure you'll get a
lot of 'insightful' inputs from
guys for this post. So don't want
to babble more of those cliched

Anonymous said...

Hi there,
COuldn't help but post a comment since I am one of those plump, plain Janes who is married to a very good looking guy :D that too after a decade long of being in love!!
I've often wondered what attracted him to me and I think the answer is, he doesn't cosider himself good looking!!!Not even when people shower him with compliments he just thinks that they are being kind or just flattering him.
I can't speak for others but in my case I know that he was attracted to me as a whole - character, upbringing and most importantly I still laugh at his jokes!
For reference watch Carlos from the 2nd last episode of Desperate Housewives & u'll know why!!

Amal: As much as I love Heidi Klum, I think Seal is so hot :) he's a complete package & U know what?the media in US thinks so too! I guess it's over Indian aversion to dark skin, big lips etc that make him unattractive to you!


thomman said...

And as Leo Tolstoy once said,

"It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness."

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

In response to first para:
Based on my observations, men usually don't have that much agreement on which girl looks good, not even Ash! Interestingly, I find that many men still have the prejudice that equates fashionable clothing with moral looseness(be it films or real life). And among other things they use various subconscious measures(talk,walk etc etc) to judge her sexual values(by their own prejudices obviously), and that impinges upon their final notion of beauty. But considering the substantial disagreement on looks, the women should be encouraged, because almost every woman might look good in the eyes of some man :)

In response to second para:
Weddings are another affair altogether. Most educated men, I find, are sufficiently mature as to not overrate looks. (Certainly there is a positive role that might've been played by today's culture of early relationships, which can help to shatter one's adolescent notions of a desirable wife, say for instance the importance of looks). We value looks in women of course, and we all still enjoy looking at beautiful girls(by our own invdividual notions of it). But beauty is acknowledged as icing on the wedding cake. It is more important that the cake have many layers and a strong foundation below the icing.

Since you ask about what guys think of girls' notion of looks. I am given to understand based on observation that to the Indian woman long hair and a french beard are often important appendages to a good-looking man. Also, no surprise now that girls, too, mix up their notion/image of a man with his looks. Only, in stead of sexual values, they look at the 'nice guy' image. (Be it a person in real life or a celebrity) One of the things that honestly baffled me for several years of high school was how any girl found Rahul Dravid hot? (It was a very oft voiced opinion among the girls of my school)

bincy said...

My husband still fails to understand why I find Kunal Kapoor so attractive

Amal Bose said...

@ anonymous...
im sorry, i gave you a wrong impression.
i was just saying that in regards to the post, read the first para of my comment to get my notion on this topic.

mathew said...

I like konkona sen..inspite of running into risk of sounding arrogant... ash..;-(

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

@Mathew: You make very complicated smileys. I had a hard time doing that face :|

Nitram said...

Quite true! The same thing happens a lot for us guys. People who we think is desperately in need of a life, will more often than not, be the first ones to attract feminine eyeballs. As for the guys that we count as heroes, (the ones that can out drink any given Irishman) strangely, the ladies keep away from them.
I wonder why?

Zahra said...

C'mon Anjali, you know what they say about love being blind!! :)

But honestly, my take has always been that looks don't support an impression beyond the first 5 mins of meeting..... ok, exceptions can be made for all the sports and movie starts I've drooled over;-P. 'Coz after that, what you say and do counts.

It's the real person inside that counts..... think about it... we all thinks our parents/ siblings/ friends look fine, even if their looks aren't great (objectively speaking)

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

I love th times when i go for weddings of my lady classmates and look at the crap they've chosen to marry. At times i feel i could've done justice to the group photo than that guy in the middle(i've quite a BIG I complex when it comes to my looks, yeah not a narcissist). So i'd say looks are a thing for dates, but when it comes to married life, the looks are surpassed by other character values :)

sundar said...

At such instances we can do nothing but say " LIFE IS STRANGER THAN FICTION"

pradeep said...

Quite true! Beauty is so subjective, like so many other aspects of life. We often are too -- unfairly -- judgemental, aren't we?

Priya Ganapathy said...

Anjkutts...nice post. Bought back lots of memories of the discussions we used to have!

kumar said...

have sent u a mail,get somebody to translate if you dont know to read kannada.Its the guys perspective

Kishan said...

>>I wonder if they find guys that we gals find cute or smart as horrible looking or unmanly...hmmm

All the time.

Anonymous said...

Why do we find it so hard to believe that a good looking guy married a plain Jane? Maybe they are each others' intellectual equals, or emotional equals, but we take one look at..well..their look and pass judgment.

Surprisingly, not many eyebrows are raised when a good looking girl marries a plain looking guy - we can think of the guy being good at other things, but why can't we picture the girl beyond her looks?

silverine said...

@ the guys: Thanks for your comments. Believe me it has been an eye opener! :)

@ the girls: What was I thinking? I guess guys are just like us and like Cluelessness pointed out we rarely raise an eyebrow when a good looking girl marries a 'what we think' is an ordinary man!

Kunjootty said...

Apart from looks another thing i have noticed, many guys who speak and behave quite nicely to girls (girl-magnets) are quite an alien character to guys. They just think the guy is plain weird.

Regarding para 2, I have heard many people explicitly asking the grooms about their plain-jane brides! and one guy replied that he loved the way the girl talked. He just gave a simple explanation that what he looked for in a bride was just some common sense and she should not be boring.
I know a couple of handsome guys who have gotten themselves very pretty girls. 'But thats about it' they have remarked later on. Seemed they were not exactly made for each other. Have heard a remark once "a pretty girl is good arm candy but not much of a good wife" A beautiful person can look good but may not emit a sort of warm feeling about them. ex: ash is called as an ice princess/ wax doll by many.

But as best said " Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder"!!

hammy said...

Hmm... I don't know how far my views would be along popular sentiment, but here goes.

Looks are important. But there is only a certain extent to that importance. Guys are not necessarily looking to bag a 'hot' girl for himself. What I am saying is that while guys may grade whether a girl is good looking or not the same way you do, that is not the all encompassing factor that determines whether they can be happy with someone.

While there are a lot of girls that I would rate as extremely good looking, I would actually never go beyond friendship with them (at least the ones that I can think of right now)

On the other hand, there are some girls who I actually haven't seen face to face, but whose thoughts, ideals, and views on life are things I adore.

I've never actually fallen in love, but I could easily love those girls; not so much the 'stunningly' beautiful ones.

Having said that, looks are not unimportant. And people's perception on what beauty is always differ at some level.

Personally, I think Ash is quite beautiful, but I don't like her at all... This is for a different reason, though. If she's only put up on print ads, I'd have no objection to praising her, but she is portrayed as an actress, and in that functional role, she sucks big time. I feel it's important to judge the relevant facets of a person.

Mind Curry said...

one of my eyes is open..half..

Rhythm said...

I have seen some of my guy friends considering physical beauty as the topmost quality for a wife and others looking for an intellectually equal mate. some even analyzes if the girl will make a good mom or not :) one of my friends told once that, he wanted a wife who can take care of herself and who doesnt expect him to keep her amused all the time :)

my girl friends find guys with wit and gentleman ways as desirable. of course it is a plus if they have broad shoulders too :D

i find guys and gals who have a good attitude and positive nature as attractive. it is also true that i cant marry a guy whom i cant look at continuously for 10 min or one who is below 5'8 height. some guys look super attractive in bald head :D

Sunil said...

Hi there,
It's my first time over here & I really enjoyed reading your blog.

Maybe guys believe that beauty & brain is a rare combination.:D
And most of them prefer brains over beauty Coz brain is forever. ;)

Have a nice day!